All That I Ever Was
by myeveryday
Summary: Finn Hudson ended up as the Lima Loser while Rachel Berry went on to become a star. Five years after high school, Rachel returns to find Finn still in Lima. The feelings she had for him haven't faded. Despite the hardships in their lives, she's going to do everything she can to show him that he's amazing.
1. in a hopeless place

**Author's Note: I think I have this problem where I can't go very long without posting a new story. I wanted to wait a little bit longer, but I just couldn't help myself lol. Welcome to my new multi-chapter! This story title comes from "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. This chapter titles comes from "We Found Love" by Rihanna.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to **_**Glee**_**.**

* * *

"Finn! Yo, Hudson!"

Finn Hudson jumped in surprise as the voice of his friend reached him. Turning, he saw Mike Chang slide onto one of the stools at the booth. He immediately set about getting the beer that his friend always got whenever he was in town.

"You look as if you're not really here," Mike noted as he watched Finn.

Finn raised an eyebrow. "That's really deep, Chang."

"Shut up. You know what I mean. Are you okay?"

Finn shrugged his shoulders. "I fine. You know. Same old, same old."

And it was true. For the past seven years, Finn Hudson had been doing the same exact thing every day. He would wake up, go to work, and go back to bed. He was twenty-five years old and he was still living in a small apartment in Lima, Ohio.

"How long are you here for?" Finn asked after Mike fell silent. He was giving Finn that sad look, and that was what he hated the most. So he was going to spend most of the time talking to Mike trying to deflect from this situation.

"About a week," Mike said. "Tina will be coming up to meet my parents in a few days. I'll bring her by so you can meet her."

"I don't spend all of my time here, you know," Finn mumbled.

"But when you're not here, you're sleeping," Mike pointed out.

Finn shrugged his shoulders as he picked up a cloth and wiped down the bar with it. "The life of a bartender," he said.

Mike was giving him that look again, so Finn got him another beer. "Have you heard from Puck and Sam lately?"

Mike smirked at the mention of their two other good friends from high school. "I just talked to Puck, and he's visiting his uncle in New York and still trying to get Quinn to marry him. He figured it would be a good idea to follow her up there since she has that spot on that TV show and everything." Finn and Mike both shared a chuckle at their friend's antics. Noah Puckerman had had a thing for Quinn Fabray for as long as they could all remember, and he was finally doing something about it.

Mike continued, "Sam… well, you know. He signed with the Giants."

Finn's fists clenched around the glass he was holding. He took a deep breath and forced himself to set it down. "That's right. That's really awesome."

"Finn—"

"You know, I have to go down there." Finn pointed down at the other end of the bar, where a few of the regulars were sitting. None of them needed Finn's help, but he just wanted to get away from Mike's sympathetic stare.

This was his life now. This is what he did every day and every night. Nothing was going to change that.

* * *

Rachel Berry scanned the small crowd of people waiting at the airport. When she saw the smiling face of her father, she forced a smile onto her face as well. Her daddy immediately pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly.

"Hi, Daddy," Rachel mumbled. Oh God, she already felt as if she was going to cry. She had told herself that she wasn't going to do this. Rachel took a deep breath and did her best to get a grip on her emotions. "How is he?' she asked.

Hiram Berry gave her a sad smile. Instead of answering her question directly, he just said, "He's excited to see you."

Rachel just nodded her head as she followed her daddy out of the airport. They went straight to her childhood home, and Rachel didn't like the fact that her papa wasn't there to greet them right away. The house felt empty without him there.

"Your papa will want to hear all about the Tony's," Hiram said. "He's so proud of you, Rachel."

A real smile, as small as it was, actually formed on Rachel's face. "Daddy, I wasn't actually the one to win the Tony."

"Yes, but you're a part of the show that won the Tony. You were in the revival of _Rent_, princess. And the show won an award for that. Be proud of yourself!"

It certainly was something to be proud of. And Rachel knew that a Tony that was meant solely for her wasn't far off, either. The reviews of the show had praised Rachel for her portrayal of Maureen in the production. Rachel had been so incredibly lucky to achieve the success that she already had.

But now she was taking a break from the Broadway scene. She had returned to her hometown, but she had no idea how long she'd be here.

"When can I see Papa?" Rachel asked.

"Tomorrow morning," Hiram said firmly. "For now, I just want you to rest. Why don't you go and see who's in town? I'm sure that you're not the only one of your friends that's visiting."

Rachel rolled her eyes. The only person she kept in touch with in high school was actually living with her up in New York City, and they hadn't even been friends during school. Other than that, Rachel had never really talked to anyone. Once she got out of Lima, she never looked back.

But things had been difficult for her daddy lately. So in order to make him happy, Rachel would go wander around town for a little bit. She smiled and hugged him.

"Sure, Daddy," she said. "I'll call you if I'll be out too late, alright?"

"Have fun, princess!" Hiram said.

Rachel sighed. Sure. Fun would be exactly what she was having.

* * *

It took her an hour, but Rachel eventually found a small bar that was out of the way. It was called McLaren's, and she could remember passing it during high school. Rachel wasn't normally one to drink, but she was in need of a glass of wine. She still had some time to kill, so she decided to stop in.

The bar was dark and musky but had a comfortable feeling to it. Rachel never really imagined herself as being the type to want to spend time in a bar, but she could see it happening here.

It was only a Tuesday night, so the bar wasn't very crowded at all. Rachel went over to the counter and slipped into the booth. She wasn't exactly in a hurry, so she pulled out her phone as she waited for the bartender to notice her.

She had several text messages from her friend and roommate, Santana Lopez. Rachel let out a laugh at the messages Santana had sent, as they had all made fun of their hometown. Rachel had offered to bring Santana with her, but the Latina had flat out refused. Rachel began to tap out a response, but a voice interrupted her.

"What can I get for you?"

The deep, familiar voice immediately sent a shiver down Rachel's spine. She glanced up and found herself staring into a pair of amber eyes that she hadn't seen in five years.

Said eyes widened in shock. "Rachel Berry?"

Rachel's lips parted in surprise and she said the first thing that came to mind: "You remember who I am?"

She couldn't believe it. Finn Hudson was standing on the other side of the bar, and _he_ had remembered _her_. She had originally met him when she had been a freshman and he had been a junior. Finn was the golden boy of McKinley high school; he was quarterback of the football team, prom king, and an all-around nice guy.

And Rachel had spent all of high school pining over him. Not that that mattered, or anything.

Finn arched an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I remember you? We've lived in the same town for most of our lives and we were at McKinley together for two years."

"Well, yes, but…" Rachel trailed off and shook her head slightly. She shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. She was sitting in front of Finn Hudson, and he was just as attractive as ever—not to mention that he still remembered who she was. Rachel wasn't going to question this moment. "How have you been, Finn?"

To Rachel's surprise, Finn just shrugged his shoulders and began to wipe down the bar. That definitely hadn't been the young man she knew in high school. The Finn Hudson she had seen then was vibrant and full of life. Now, Finn just avoided her gaze and didn't respond to the question.

After a moment, Finn looked up again with a slight smile forced on his face. "How about you, Rachel? What have you been up to?"

Rachel noticed the deflection of her question, but she decided not to point it out. Instead, she said, "I went to NYADA and I just finished a lead role in _Rent_ on Broadway."

"Broadway?" Now Finn was really smiling, his amber eyes twinkling as he repeated her. "That was always what you wanted to do, right? I remember that you had the lead in all of the school musicals."

Rachel's cheeks flushed. "Yes, it was what I wanted to do." Rachel tried to steer the conversation back towards Finn. "What about you?"

Finn looked around. "I'm working at this bar. Well, running it every night is more like it. The owner is never here so it's kind of up to me. But I don't mind it."

Rachel tilted her head. The words didn't sound forced coming out of Finn's mouth, but there was still sadness in his eyes. Reaching over the bar, Rachel slid her hand over his and squeezed. Finn's head snapped up towards her when she did that, and Rachel's eyes widened at the feeling of her hand against his.

"I think you've done really well with the place," Rachel said. "It's not like those other hole-in-the-wall places, you know? It has a very nice feel to it."

Finn gave her a smile at her words—a real one. "Thanks," he said softly. He looked down at her hand still over his but didn't say anything. Rachel, realizing that it was still there, hastily pulled her hand away. She bit her lip and tapped her fingers against the bar.

Finn, having noticed the movement, said, "Speaking of, what can I get for you?"

"Oh! Just a glass of white wine, please," Rachel said. After seeing Finn in the bar, Rachel completely forgot about the reason she had decided to go in the first place. However, Finn quickly poured her a glass and handed it to her. Their fingers brushed and Rachel took a long sip of the wine when she felt the tingles run up her arm once again.

"So." Finn folded his arms and rested them on top of the bar. Rachel took a moment to watch the play of muscles in his exposed forearms. He was wearing a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The first few buttons on his shirt were undone, revealing his throat and a bit of his chest. Finn Hudson had been good-looking in high school, sure. But he was downright gorgeous now.

Rachel managed to pull her eyes away from Finn's arms long enough to hear him say, "What brings you back to Lima? I'm pretty sure when I say that it's not as exciting as New York."

Rachel gave a dry laugh at that. "It certainly isn't. But I'm just here to…" Her breath caught in her throat when she thought about the reason she had returned to Lima. She breathed in slowly and deeply through her nose in an effort to calm herself. When she glanced at Finn, she saw that he was giving her a look full of concern; he had noticed her change in demeanor.

Rachel took another deep breath and forced herself to calm down. She managed a small smile and finally said, "I'm just here to visit my fathers for a little bit."

Finn watched her for a moment. He could sense that there was more to Rachel's story than what she was telling him, but he didn't know her well enough to press for information. So instead he returned her uneasy smile and nodded his head.

"Feel free to stop by any time," Finn said. "I'll be around."

Rachel looked up at him and bit her lip again. She barely gave herself time to think about the decision she had just made before she said, "We should catch up some time." She didn't know what possessed her to say that. Sure, she had known who Finn was in high school and had harbored a huge crush for him, but she hadn't really been friends with him. During the entire two years they had been in high school together, they might have only exchanged a few greetings.

Even so, there was just something about Finn. She waited eagerly for his answer and wasn't disappointed when a slow smile formed on Finn's face and he nodded his head.

"That sounds great," he said. Just then, a few other costumers came into the bar. Rachel looked up at Finn and grabbed a napkin before she dug through her purse for a pen. She quickly wrote her cell phone number on the napkin. She added her name and then finished it with a star (because that was her thing) and then passed it to Finn as several costumers came into the bar.

Rachel smiled and Finn grinned at her before he turned to help the costumers. Rachel slipped off the stool and made her way out of the bar. She decided to head back home, since it was getting late anyway.

Her trip home had already taken an interesting turn. Rachel certainly hadn't imagined it going like this. All of the bad things aside, she definitely didn't mind.

* * *

**Author's Note: So here's the beginning of my new story! I hope that you all enjoyed it. :) Thanks for reading!**


	2. something that they just can't face

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter titles comes from the song "Darkness on the Edge of Town" by Bruce Springsteen.**

* * *

"Are you ready to go, princess?"

Rachel put her hairbrush down and turned to face her daddy. She took a deep, shaky breath before she nodded her head. "Yes, Daddy. I'm ready."

Hiram gave her a sad smile before he hugged his daughter tightly. "He'll be so happy to see you," he said. "You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that, Daddy." Rachel gathered up the flowers she bought earlier and picked up her purse. "Let's get going. I don't want to keep Papa waiting."

Hiram squeezed her shoulder and they left the house together. The car ride to their destination was silent and a little tense, but only because Rachel was apprehensive. Hiram patted her hand and gave her a reassuring smile. Rachel tried to return it, but she just couldn't.

It was five minutes later when they arrived at the Lima Memorial Hospital. Rachel stared up at the building and took a deep breath before she got out of the car and followed her daddy. She had to force herself to take each step. When she got through the hospital doors, Rachel paused and took a deep breath. She could do this. She had to be strong. Not only did she have to hold it together for her papa, but the last thing her daddy needed was to see her fall apart.

Rachel caught up to her daddy and they stepped into the elevator. Hiram hit the button for the appropriate floor and it only took them a few moments to arrive. With her new resolve firmly in mind, Rachel followed her daddy down the hallway until they reached the door the name "Berry, Leroy" posted outside of it.

"Knock knock!" Hiram called as he rapped his knuckles on the door. He pushed it open and peered in before he stepped completely into the room. Rachel didn't give herself time to think as she walked into the room after Hiram.

Rachel immediately brought her eyes towards her papa and made herself smile. Really, all she wanted to do was cry, since the man in the hospital bed looked nothing like her papa.

Leroy Berry had been in the Navy and latter had been a police officer. He had always been in great physical shape and was very healthy. Now, however, Leroy looked like the shell of the man he had once been. He had lost a shocking amount of weight, and his skin had a sickly, yellow color to it.

"Little star!" Leroy greeted with a large smile when he saw his daughter. Rachel actually felt herself relax when she saw that smile—it was one thing that hadn't changed. "Come over here and give me a hug!"

Rachel approached the bed and leaned over to carefully hug Leroy. "Hello, Papa," she said softly.

"Where's my smile, Rachela?" Leroy asked. "Come on. I don't look that bad, do I?"

Instead of smiling, Rachel felt as if she was going to burst into tears again. She inhaled slowly in an effort to force herself to calm down and then made her lips stretch into a smile. She saw her papa share a look with her father before he said, "There we go. That's better."

They all knew that it really wasn't.

Leroy patted an open spot on the bed, gesturing for his daughter to sit next to him. "Tell me all about the show, little star. I want to know everything."

Rachel did as her papa said. She glanced up and noticed her daddy slip out of the room to talk to one of the doctor's, and her chest tightened. Instead of trying to see what they were talking about, Rachel turned towards Leroy and proceeded to tell him about the last year in New York City.

* * *

The car ride back to the house was tense and awkward. Rachel kept her hands clenched tightly in her lap as she looked out the window. She had known that things were bad, but she hadn't imagined that it would be like _that_.

"That wasn't so terrible, was it?" Hiram asked.

Rachel gave her daddy an incredulous look. "Daddy," she began. "Are you kidding me?"

Hiram sighed and reached over to pat Rachel's hand. "I know that it's hard, princess." His voice grew quiet as he continued. "But your papa has come to terms with what's happening. The only thing we can do for him right now is be there with him and for him."

Rachel stared down at her hands. "What did the doctor say?" she finally asked.

Hiram tried to play dumb. "What do you mean?"

"The doctor," Rachel repeated. She turned to look her daddy straight on, even though he was driving and couldn't return the look. "I saw you speaking to him. What did he say?"

Hiram let out a slow breath. The news had been hard for him to hear, and it would be even harder for him to repeat it back to his daughter. He waited until they pulled into the driveway before revealing the answer to her question.

"He only has a few months left. They don't know how many, exactly, but it could be anywhere from three to five."

Rachel could feel the tears burning in her eyes again. This couldn't be happening. When she had first gotten the call from her papa six months ago, she knew that it was bad. But she didn't know that it had gotten that bad that quickly. She didn't let herself imagine it, because she didn't think it would come to this. She thought that there would be some miracle, somehow.

"Three to five?" Rachel repeated quietly.

Hiram reached over to hug her. "Your papa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer six months ago, sweetie," he told her. As if she needed to be reminded of it again. She knew. "And if he were to live another five months… that would be amazing."

Rachel took a deep, shaky breath. "But you said… you said that the cancer had progressed too far for treatment. That there was nothing they could do about it. So how is he going to fight it for another five months?"

They both knew that the odds were that Leroy wouldn't even last to the three that the doctor had told them about. It had been an optimistic prediction, frankly. Five months was too much leeway.

Hiram shrugged his shoulders. Even though his voice was light, his eyes were heavy with sadness. "You papa is a fighter, princess. He can do anything that he sets his mind to. If the doctor said it can be five months, then there's still a chance for that."

Rachel nodded her head and closed her eyes briefly. Even though it appeared that Hiram was being strong, Rachel knew that anything could trigger a breakdown. She had to be strong for her fathers, no matter what. Even though all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and cry, she knew that she couldn't. Seeing the sadness and despair in her daddy's eyes just proved to Rachel that she had to step up.

Rachel had never imagined that she would be returning to Lima for an extended period of time. She had always planned on coming back for short visits, sure. But she had never really given much thought to a prolonged visit. Once she graduated from McKinley, she left for New York and never looked back. Her fate had been sealed further with her first role on Broadway.

Now here she was, twenty-three years old and back in Lima once again. Rachel would give anything for that to be changed. But given the situation that she was in, she would never pass up the chance to be with her papa for the last three months of his life.

* * *

"Are you sure that you don't need me to do any of your laundry, Finny?"

"Mom." Finn sighed. "I know how to do my own laundry. Though I do appreciate the offer." Honestly, Finn was just glad that she had long ago stopped offering to make him meals. Finn was perfectly capable of cooking his own food; he was quite good at it, actually.

Even though Finn couldn't see her, he could tell that his mother was smiling. Even worse, he knew that it was that sad smile that everyone else gave him. "I know, Finny. I just want to make sure that you have everything you need."

"I'm fine, Mom. I promise. How have you been?" He just wanted to steer the topic of conversation away from his sad life and how his mother constantly tried to do things for him. He knew that she was only trying to help, but all it did was remind him of the situation he had stuck himself in.

"I've been well. The hospital has been keeping me busy, and Burt has been keeping himself occupied with the shop, as you know. He actually wanted you to stop in and check up on a car he was having trouble with."

In addition to Finn practically running the bar and kitchen he currently worked at, he was still good with cars. He had passed up the opportunity to work at the auto shop with his stepfather because he wanted to have his own career, but he still did help out from time to time.

"Sure. Tell Burt I'll be in at the end of this week."

"I'll be sure to pass that on." Then Carole's voice grew uneasy. "And… have you talked to Kurt lately by chance?"

Finn snorted. "No. What makes you say that?" He hadn't talked to his stepbrother since Kurt had graduated from high school. His mother knew that.

"Well, he got another promotion," Carole said. "Burt and I are very proud of him."

"That's great," Finn said dully. How great was it that his stepbrother was excelling in everything in life while Finn was still stuck in Lima? Finn didn't like talking about it, much less hearing about it. Some part of him knew that it was childish and unfair, but at that point, he didn't really care anymore.

Carole sighed. "Maybe if you just talked to him—"

"I really don't want to," Finn interrupted. His voice was tense as he spoke, but Carole still didn't let it go. In the seven years since Finn had graduated from high school, she had done everything she could to try and get her sons to reconcile. It hadn't worked yet, but she wasn't going to give up.

"But if you just try—"

"I have tried. He's the one that said…" Finn trailed off and shook his head. "You know what? Never mind. Just tell Burt that I'll be by the shop to check out the car at the end of the week. And I'll be at the house for dinner tomorrow night, okay?"

Carole sighed again. "Alright, Finny. I love you."

Finn knew that his mother was just trying to make things better. As most moms did, she was just looking out for him. "I love you too, Mom."

Finn hung up his cell phone and threw it on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling before he covered his face with his hands.

This was his life. He should be used to it by now.

But he wasn't.

* * *

Rachel needed a drink.

So she found herself heading to the small bar she had found the night before. It was partially because she had had a pretty nice glass of wine for a decent price. But it was also because she had a strange urge to see Finn Hudson once again.

The bar was completely empty, which wasn't surprising for a Wednesday afternoon. Rachel walked right up to the bar and knocked her knuckles against the rough, worn wood. Finn turned around, and his lips lifted up into a sweet crooked smile when he saw her.

"Rachel, you're back." He caught sight of the look on her face, and his brow immediately furrowed in concern. "Are you okay?"

Rachel let out a short, sharp laugh. "No," she stated bluntly. "No, I'm not."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

Finn quickly got Rachel a glass of the same wine she had had the day before and handed it to her. "Well… if you ever need to talk… I'm willing to listen."

Rachel looked up at Finn as their fingers brushed. His amber eyes were earnest and sincere as he looked down at her. Rachel got the feeling that he wasn't offering to listen to her problems just because. He actually wanted to listen if she ever needed to talk. Rachel relaxed and took a sip of the wine.

"Thank you, Finn," she said softly. "That really means a lot."

As they sat in an easy, companionable silence with one another, Rachel couldn't help but wonder how she ended up here. She had never once thought that she would end up sitting across the golden boy that she had a crush on in high school, and she certainly never thought that he would offer to listen to her problems.

Sure, she was a big star now and it didn't matter what anyone in Lima thought of her. But still, there was just something about Finn Hudson… something that Rachel felt inexplicably drawn to. She hadn't felt it anywhere else since she had last seen him.

Rachel set her wine glass down and traced her fingers along the rim. "Tell me, Finn. Have things changed much around here? Is there anything to do, or will I be eternally bored?"

Finn chuckled. "You might not be eternally bored, but there still isn't a whole lot to do. I'm generally kept pretty busy because of my job here, but you know…" Finn shrugged his shoulders.

Rachel sighed. "My daddy has a business dinner to go to tomorrow, and I'm not really in the mood to be alone. I don't know what I'm going to do to amuse myself for that time." The absolute last thing Rachel wanted was to be left alone with her thoughts. She needed to keep herself busy, but she didn't know what to do.

Finn's brow furrowed as he thought. He remembered the promise he had made to visit his mother for dinner tomorrow night, and before he could stop himself, the words were coming out of his mouth: "I'm going to my mom's for dinner tomorrow night. You can come, if you want."

Rachel tilted her head, and Finn quickly hurried to explain himself. Maybe he just shouldn't have said anything. He could imagine that Rachel was used to much more exciting things than having dinner with his parents. "I know that it won't exactly be exciting, but it would give you something to do. My mom loves meeting new people and I'm sure she wouldn't have a problem having you over. But if you don't want to—"

Rachel surprised Finn when she said, "I'd love to!" She smiled brightly at him. "What time?"

"Uh…" Finn blinked in shock. She had actually taken him up on his offer. "Seven. Here's the address." He found a scrap of paper behind the bar and quickly scribbled the address of his mother and Burt's house. "So I'll see you then?"

Rachel's fingers brushed Finn's again as she took the paper from him. Her cheeks pinked and she caught his eye. "I'll see you tomorrow night, Finn."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for the amazing response I've gotten to this story so far! You all are so great. Thanks for reading! :)**


	3. when you live in the unknown

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter titles comes from "Where Not to Look for Freedom" by The Belle Brigade.**

* * *

Rachel grabbed her keys and purse from the table next to the door. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror by the foyer and she stopped to check her makeup and hair. When she realized what she was doing, she forced herself to stop and relax.

"It's just dinner," Rachel mumbled. "Dinner with his mother and step father." Rachel didn't know why she was freaking out so much. This was just a nice dinner that Finn had invited her to. She just needed to relax.

"Dinner with who?"

Rachel jumped and whipped around to face her father. "I'm just going to dinner at a friend's house tonight. I knew him in high school."

"Oh really?" Hiram immediately picked up on Rachel's use of the word 'him.' "I guess that explains the baking that you were doing earlier today. And who is this boy you're having dinner with?"

Rachel sighed. Yes, it was true that she had baked some banana bread. She couldn't very well show up at the dinner empty-handed. And she was an excellent baker, so she decided to put her skills to good use.

"It's Finn Hudson, Daddy," Rachel explained.

"Oh!" Hiram grinned. "Finn Hudson is such a nice boy, princess. It will be good for you to spend some time with him."

"Daddy, Finn is hardly a boy," Rachel said without thinking. She slung her purse over her shoulder and picked up the platter that had the banana bread on it. It wasn't until she saw the look on her daddy's face that she realized what she had let slip.

"Well, I can see that you've certainly realized it," he muttered. When Rachel opened her mouth, Hiram held his hands out. "I'm glad that you're going out and having fun, sweetheart. Have a good night and tell that boy and his parents that I said hello."

"I'll make sure to do that, Daddy." Rachel kissed his cheek before she left the house and went out to her car. Hiram watched her go with a small smile on his face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone as he dialed the number for his husband's room.

"Guess what?" Hiram said as soon as Leroy answered. "Our little girl has met a boy…"

Hiram had a feeling that his little girl's world was about to be turned upside down… in the best way possible.

* * *

When Finn answered the door, he was wearing a frilly apron.

Rachel burst into laughter and Finn's cheeks turned bright red. "What?" he demanded even though he knew exactly what she was laughing at. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood taller, as if that would take away from the feminine apron. While it was his fault that he forgot to bring his, it wasn't his fault that it had been the only apron his mother owned.

"I like the apron," Rachel said as she gestured to it. "It really brings your whole outfit together."

"Haha," Finn grumbled as he stepped aside to allow Rachel in. Even so, he couldn't help the happy feeling that spread in his chest at how easily he was able to go back and forth with Rachel. They had a repartee that was easy and natural.

Rachel handed him the wrapped platter of sliced banana bread with a smile. "This is for you and your family," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, Rachel," Finn said as he took it from her. His fingers brushed against hers as she passed the platter off, and Rachel felt her cheeks heat up. "You didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did. I didn't mind it."

Finn peeked under the tin foil to see it was and grinned when he caught a whiff of the freshly baked treat. "Banana bread?" Finn said. "I love this stuff!"

Rachel smiled at his enthusiasm. "I consider myself an amateur baker. This banana bread is a recipe that my papa taught me." As soon as the words left Rachel's mouth, her chest tightened. She forced the smile to remain on her lips.

Finn immediately noticed her change in demeanor, and his brow furrowed in concern. Remembering how their conversation at the bar yesterday went, however, Finn didn't bring any attention to it.

"Well, it looks great." With a smile, Finn gently skimmed his hand on Rachel's lower back and guided her towards the kitchen. He hadn't even realized that he had done it, but Rachel certainly had. A shiver ran up her spine at the light, gentle touch, and she bit her lip. What was Finn Hudson doing to her?

"Mom, Rachel is here!" Finn called. He heard something crash in the kitchen and he winced. When Rachel gave him a questioning look, Finn sighed. "My mom was really excited when she heard that I invited you over for dinner," he explained sheepishly.

Rachel cheeks turned pink again as they walked into the kitchen. Something smelled absolutely delicious and Rachel's stomach growled. Carole Hummel was checking something in the stove, and she stood and turned to greet Rachel with a big smile on her face.

"Rachel! Come in! We're so glad that you could join us for dinner," Carole said.

"Mom," Finn muttered under his breath. He noticed her checking the oven yet again. "I told you it was fine," he added.

"I know, Finny," Carole said. The childhood nickname caused Finn to groan and slap a hand over his face while Rachel giggled. "I just wanted to make sure that it was looking okay." Turning to Rachel, Carole explained, "Finny cooked dinner for us tonight. He mentioned that you told him that you were a vegetarian, so he whipped up a wonderful garden vegetable casserole."

Rachel turned to Finn and found him rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at the floor. "You cook?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I learned when I first started working at McLaren's. I run the kitchen, too, so it seemed like a good idea to learn."

"Well, it smells amazing in here," Rachel praised. She walked over to the stove to inspect the other pots and skillets. "What else did you make?"

"I just finished grilling some steaks in the back for the rest of us," Finn said. "But I also did some skillet macaroni and cheese and some spinach."

Carole shook her head as an amused smile formed on her lips. "Sometimes, I can't believe that he eats like this now. It used to be all Cheetos and extra-cheesy pizza."

"I like food," Finn grumbled. Even though McLaren's served mainly bar food, he had spent the past five or so years messing around with the menu and adding some new things to it. The bar did fairly well and often had people in it, and they responded well to Finn's dishes.

Trying to distract his mother for bragging (which was his code word for embarrassing him) about him some more, Finn slid the platter that Rachel had brought onto the counter. "Rachel brought some banana bread for us. It smells great."

"That's fantastic!" Carole exclaimed. She not-so-discreetly nudged Finn, and he had to stop himself from face-palming again. "And it looks delicious. Now, I'm going to find Burt and tell him that dinner's almost ready. He must be in the back, watching the game." Carole patted Finn's shoulder before she left the kitchen.

Finn rubbed the back of his neck again before he moved towards the stove. He picked up a wooden spoon and stirred up the skillet macaroni, just to make sure that it was setting well. A small, satisfied smile formed on his lips and he turned back to face Rachel.

"Sorry about my mom," he said. "She's a little over the top sometimes."

Rachel smiled. "She seems wonderful." She had two meddling fathers, so she could relate. At the thought of her papa, and how he wouldn't be around to meddle in her life much longer, Rachel's shoulders slumped as her features clouded over.

Finn watched her as he once again wondered if he should say something. He had always been attuned to people's emotions, and, being a bartender, he was also pretty good at reading people.

"Rach?" Finn asked gently. The nickname slipped from his lips without thought, and Rachel looked up at him, her eyes widening slightly at it. Finn took a step closer to her. "Are you okay?"

Rachel looked into his warm, comforting amber eyes. Her whole situation almost spilled from her lips, but she held it back at the last moment. Instead, she just sighed and closed her eyes for a brief moment. When she opened them again, she forced a smile onto her lips.

"I'm fine," she said softly.

Finn stared into her eyes. He knew that she wasn't telling the truth, but the last thing he wanted to do was press her for information that she wasn't willing to share. He didn't really know Rachel Berry, but he found that he really wanted to. Somehow, he knew that she was going to change things for him.

"Okay," he said. He dipped the wooden spoon into the skillet pasta again and held it out, blowing on it lightly to cool it off. "Would you like to taste it? I know you're a vegetarian, but it's just some cheese…"

Finally, Rachel cracked a genuine smile. "I do indulge in some real cheese, Finn. Actually, I do it more often than I would care to admit. And sure, I would love to try some."

Finn moved towards her, the spoon held aloft in his hand. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to go about this. It wasn't like he knew her well enough to feed it to her, but Rachel wasn't moving to take the spoon from him either. He slowly lifted it towards her, and Rachel brought her small hand up to cover his on the utensil as she ate the sample.

Rachel's eyes drifted shut as she chewed. "Mmm, Finn," she muttered. She opened her eyes again and beamed at him. "That's amazing!"

"Really?" Finn asked. He knew that he was a good cook, but he didn't think he had ever seen someone enjoy his food so thoroughly before.

Rachel nodded her head vigorously. "The taste and consistency is perfect. I had no idea that macaroni and cheese could be so flavorful! You have to tell me what you did to it."

"Ah." Finn tossed a dish rag over his shoulder as he peeked in the oven to check on the casserole. Satisfied that it was done, he pulled it out and set it on a cooling rack. "I can't tell you all of my secrets, Rach. I don't want to give all the good stuff away."

"Sure, Finn," Rachel teased. She watched him move confidently and easily around the kitchen before she said, "Do you need any help?"

"It's okay, Rachel," Finn said. "I don't expect you to help—"

"Finn," Rachel interrupted. "Let me help."

Finn smiled at her before he relented. "If you really want to, I guess you can get the plates and set the table up."

"I'm glad to help," Rachel said. Following Finn's directions, Rachel found the placemats, place, and utensils. She proceeded to set it, and she finished up just as Carole entered the dining room with her husband.

"Rachel, I'd like you to meet Burt Hummel," Carole said. She stepped aside and allowed Finn to place all of the dishes on the table. She looked so proud of her son as he finished setting everything down and she smiled when Finn pulled Rachel's chair out for her.

"We've met before," Burt said. He smiled in greeting at Rachel, and she returned it. "You know my son Kurt, don't you? You graduated in the same year?"

Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but she stopped when she noticed the look on Finn's face. He glared darkly down at his plate, and his jaw was clenched so hard that a vein was popping. Rachel gave him a worried look, but Finn was still staring down at his plate.

"We talked a few times during high school," Rachel answered hesitantly. "But we didn't know each other too well." Despite the fact that Rachel and Kurt Hummel generally ran in the same circle during high school, they hadn't really been friends. It wasn't until their senior year that they had started to talk, and by then it had been too late. They graduated, and Rachel went off to New York and she heard that Kurt went to California.

Carole quickly changed the subject, turning to ask Rachel about her life in New York and what her career was like on Broadway. As she talked, Rachel watched Finn. She noticed how he slowly relaxed and became genuinely interested in what she was saying.

After dinner (which was absolutely delicious—Rachel was very impressed with Finn's cooking abilities), Rachel found herself with Finn in the kitchen as they cleaned the dishes. The silence was comfortable and easy between them. Finn would wash the dishes and hand them to Rachel so that she could dry them.

Even though Rachel had a feeling that she shouldn't ask, she was too curious not to. She had to know why Finn had been so angry at the mention of Kurt. The question slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked. She remembered how concerned Finn had been earlier, and she just wanted to do the same for him.

Finn glanced at her in surprise before he smiled. "I'm fine, Rach. Why do you ask?"

"You just seemed a little… tense at dinner. When we first starting eating, really." As soon as Rachel finished speaking, she saw Finn's knuckles turn white, he was gripping the plate he had been washing so hard. "I'm sorry," Rachel quickly said. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked—"

"It's fine," Finn said quietly. "Don't worry about it."

The subject was dropped then, and Rachel let it go. If he wasn't going to push her, than she wasn't going to push him. Rachel reached over and squeezed Finn's forearm lightly. He relaxed fully under her touch and smiled at her again. Rachel returned his smile and tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach.

* * *

**Author's Note: As always, thank you for the amazing reviews last chapter. Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think!**


	4. so we keep on

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from "What are you Willing to Lose" by Lucero.**

* * *

"I really like Rachel, Finn. She's such a nice girl."

Finn rolled his eyes. "I know, Mom. I heard you the first million times."

Carole looked affronted. "I haven't said it that much."

"Yeah, you have." Finn gave his mother a pointed look. "You've said it at least twice to me since dinner two nights ago."

"I can tell that you like her, Finny. That's why I keep mentioning it." Carole smiled. "I just want you to be happy."

Finn sighed. His mother didn't need to know that he actually liked Rachel very much. She was beautiful and she was kind and funny and really sweet. But he was a bartender in Lima, Ohio, and she was a Broadway star in New York City. They were just in different situations and Finn didn't see that changing any time soon.

He would hang out with her when she wanted to, because his mother was right—it did make him happy. It made him happier than he had been in a long time. It made him forget about the situation he was in and how he hadn't done anything to fix it over the years.

"She's going to go back to New York, Mom," Finn said quietly. "She's meant for so much more than Lima and I'm…" He trailed off and shrugged his shoulders. He hadn't meant to let that slip out. His mom hated when he talked like that.

He was proven right when Carole glared at him. "Stop talking like that," she snapped. "Finn, when are you going to realize that you're just as special as anyone else? You're meant for so much more, too." She patted his cheek gently, which was something that she always used to do when Finn was a kid and he was upset. "You have to believe that."

The thing was that Finn didn't believe that at all. He wanted to, but he just… he didn't. He stopped being that optimistic a long time ago. Still, he forced a smile for the benefit of his mother and nodded his head. He hugged her goodbye and kissed her cheek before he left.

Finn knew it was sad, but he had stopped believing in himself a long time ago.

* * *

Rachel let out an exasperated sigh as she listened to the woman she called her best friend chattering in her ear. She kept the phone pressed to her ear as she checked on the loaf of banana bread she had in the oven. She was making another one because… well… because it gave her something to do. She didn't have to think when she did this, and not thinking was good.

"Santana—"

"No, really. I think you should fuck him."

"Santana!"

"What?" On the other end of the line, Santana Lopez laughed. "Look, you were the typical high school theater geek who had a crush on the golden boy of high school. Now that you're back and better than ever, you have the chance to sleep with the guy. So you should do that."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Santana, you know that I don't sleep around like that. And I…" She trailed off and bit her lip.

"Oh my God. You like him, don't you?"

"Well…" She did. Rachel really did like Finn. There was just something about him; something about his amber eyes, the way he smiled, the way he talked to her. She couldn't help but like him. She had always had a crush on him in high school, and when she had seen him in the bar that day, it was like it had never gone away.

"I guess that's even more of a reason for you to fuck him, then. You like the guy, so go after him!"

"It's not that easy, Santana. I'm not here to find a guy. I'm here to…" Rachel swallowed hard and leaned against the kitchen counter. She couldn't even say the words. How was she going to handle what was happening to her papa if she couldn't even say it?

"Rachel," Santana said softly. The mood had suddenly changed; everything was serious and heavy. At this point, Santana was probably the only person that knew how Rachel was really feeling. When Rachel had gotten the phone call from Hiram telling her about Leroy in the first place, it had been Santana that had been there when Rachel had fallen apart.

Rachel hadn't let herself have a breakdown since then. She refused, because she had to be strong for her fathers. It wouldn't help anyone if they knew that she couldn't handle what was happening. God, she couldn't even think the words without wanting to cry.

"I'm okay," Rachel whispered. She cleared her throat and spoke again, forcing herself to make her voice stronger. "I'm okay."

Santana stayed silent for several long moments. She knew her best friend, and she knew that Rachel really wasn't okay. She was just pretending that she was. The night that Rachel had found out that her papa had cancer had been a bad night. She had known Rachel for years and she had never seen her lose it like that before. If Rachel kept holding it in, she was going to have a breakdown even worse than the first one.

"But Rachel—" Santana began, but the woman in question interrupted her.

"I have a handle on this, Santana," Rachel stated. Rachel honestly didn't believe that for a second, but maybe if she said it enough it would be true.

"Okay," Santana said. She didn't try to push Rachel, because it wouldn't do any good. She only hoped that Rachel would find what she was looking for while she was in Lima. Whether Rachel wanted to admit it or not, something was missing from her life. And hopefully, even though Rachel was there for a truly sad reason, she would find it.

Santana had a feeling that Rachel would find it in the form of Finn Hudson.

* * *

Rachel was sitting at the island in the kitchen in front of her laptop. She was clicking through emails from her agent about parts that she could audition for when she returned to New York. Rachel just scanned them, because she honestly didn't know when she would be going back. She adored her agent, Karen Scott, but she didn't know what to say to her. Rachel would be staying in Lima for at least five months, since that was how long her papa was expected to live. Even after that, she didn't know how much her father would need her after it happened.

"Hello, princess," Hiram said as he entered the kitchen. He greeted his daughter with a kiss on the top of her head. It made Rachel smile, because that's what he used to do when she was a little girl. "What are you up to?"

"I'm just checking my email. Karen has sent me a few about different parts for when I get back to the city. I don't know if I'll take them, though," Rachel answered as she shut her laptop.

"What are you talking about?" Hiram demanded. "I don't think I've ever heard about you passing up a part."

Rachel breathed in deeply. "I just want to focus on being here for you and Papa right now." She didn't answer the question directly. Rachel would return to Broadway, and she knew that there would be plenty of parts waiting for her. She just didn't know exactly when that would happen.

Hiram gave Rachel a look that made her want to curl up in bed and pull the covers over her head. He hugged her tightly. "Oh sweetie. You know that your papa wouldn't want you to do that."

Rachel returned the hug before she said, "I have this under control. I know what I'm doing, alright?"

Hiram studied his daughter before he nodded his head. His little girl was all grown up now, and he had to trust that she knew what she was doing. He smiled at her then and said, "I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon, so I can't go and visit your papa at the time I normally do. Would you mind going?"

Rachel tensed. She didn't have a problem visiting Leroy when she was with Hiram, but it was something entirely different going by herself. She didn't know if she was ready for that just yet.

But she couldn't just say no, either. Someone had to go see Leroy. They couldn't just leave him in the hospital by himself. He was on his own too often as it was, and Rachel was just going to have to suck it up and visit.

"Of course I will," Rachel said. She made sure that her voice was light, and Hiram smiled and hugged her again.

"He'll be so happy to see you," Hiram said.

Rachel managed a tight smile. Of course she would be happy to see her papa and spend time with him, but it was just difficult. Rachel hated knowing that no matter what she did or said, she would be losing him.

Rachel was just going to have to push through it. She had to be strong enough for her family.

* * *

Given that Rachel had so much on her mind, she had volunteered to go food shopping for her daddy. It would give her something to do so that she didn't have to think about visiting her papa the next day.

She wished that she didn't feel so horrible about going to see her papa in the hospital. But it all felt so real there. When Rachel was in New York or even at the house in Lima, she knew that Leroy had cancer but she didn't have to actually see it. But now she was going to have to see Leroy on her own.

With a sigh, Rachel pushed those thoughts away as she got a cart and began to push it through the supermarket. She tried to focus on just getting the food that she needed—and it actually turned out to be quite a lot. Apparently, Hiram was throwing a business dinner later in the week.

Rachel found all of the groceries and placed them in her cart before she went back out to her car. She had quite a lot of bags, and she sighed before she popped the trunk and started hefting them in. Thankfully, the work was mind-numbing and it was the perfect way to distract her.

"Need any help?"

Rachel jumped at the new voice and turned to find Finn standing next to her car. She smiled brightly at him—a real, genuine smile. She instantly felt so much better seeing him there.

Finn blinked in surprise at her reaction before a grin spread across his own lips. They stood there for several moments, just smiling at each other until Rachel remembered that he had offered to help.

Before Rachel could even say anything, Finn started grabbing the grocery bags and helped her put them in her trunk. He quickly finished with the work, and Rachel could only smile as she watched him. He was dressed simply and easily, in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. But good Lord, did he wear those clothes well. When he realized that Rachel was watching him, he stopped and turned to look at her.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing." Rachel couldn't very well say that she had been checking him out. "You're just very chivalrous, that's all."

Finn's cheeks turned red and he shrugged his shoulders. Rachel found his modesty and shyness incredibly adorable. He had always been like that, even in high school. And now they were doing that thing where they were standing and smiling at each other once again.

Rachel's phone buzzed, and she pulled it out of her purse to find a text message from her father. Her good mood instantly disappeared, as the text message was a reminder to visit her papa the next day. Hiram had given her a list of things to bring to Leroy, as well.

Rachel sucked in a shaky breath as she dropped her phone back into her purse. She closed her eyes and massaged her fingers into her temples. This was just a lot to deal with.

"Hey." Finn's voice was gentle. He reached out and touched her arm, and Rachel's eyes fluttered open. His amber orbs were full of concern. "Rachel."

And that was all he needed to say before Rachel's eyes suddenly filled with tears. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes in an effort to keep the tears at bay. Finn's fingers wrapped around her wrists and he gently pulled her hands away. Rachel couldn't believe that she was about to have a meltdown in the middle of the supermarket parking lot.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I didn't mean to…" Rachel trailed off and shook her head.

"Don't do that," Finn said. His hands slid from Rachel's wrists to her own hands. His palms were warm and comforting as they covered hers. "You're obviously upset, and you don't need to apologize for that. Just let me know what I can do."

Without realizing it, Rachel squeezed Finn's hands. He was amazing. "Can you come with me to the hospital tomorrow?" she rushed out before she could think about it. Finn's presence calmed her. Bringing him to see Leroy would make her feel so much better.

Finn looked alarmed as he pulled her closer, squeezing her hands in return. "You're okay, right? There's not something wrong—"

"No, it's nothing like that," Rachel assured him. "We're just going to visit someone. That's all."

Finn didn't ask questions. He wanted to, sure, but he didn't want to push Rachel even more than she had already pushed herself. Seeing that Rachel had been about to cry made Finn want to pull her into his arms and protect her from all of the bad things in the world. Instead, he squeezed her hands again.

"I'll go with you," Finn agreed. "Do you want me to drive?"

It was actually so nice of him to offer. Rachel didn't know if she could force herself to drive. Going to visit Leroy without the support of her daddy was just a big deal for her. She felt so much better knowing that Finn was going with her.

"That would be great," Rachel said quietly as she looked down at their entwined hands. "Thanks."

Finn studied her before he carefully pulled her into his arms. Rachel closed her eyes and pressed her face into his chest, reveling in the comfort that being in his arms gave her. He smoothed his large hands over her back.  
"Rach, it's going to be okay," Finn murmured in her ear.

Rachel just held on to Finn tighter, because she knew that it really wasn't.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for the great response this story has received so far! I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter!**


	5. this i do for you

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from "I Would For You" by Jane's Addiction.**

* * *

Finn was shocked when he saw Rachel approaching his truck. She was wearing a pretty red sun dress, but she was pale and looking down at the ground. He was so used to seeing her bright and happy, but there was so much more going on under the surface.

Finn got out of the car and went around to the other side to open the door for Rachel. She gave him a small smile in thanks, but still didn't say a word as she slid into the car. It was actually worrying Finn quite a bit; Rachel didn't seem like the kind of girl to hold everything in.

Even so, Finn didn't press her as he climbed back into the truck and headed towards the hospital. Rachel had brought along a plate of her amazing banana bread, and she played with the plastic wrap covering it.

They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to. Rachel was comforted simply by Finn's presence. As Finn drove towards the hospital, Rachel distracted herself by thinking about what a wonderful man Finn was. When she had first seen him at the bar, she could sense the sadness and defeated attitude that he sometimes carried around with him. But past all of that, Finn just had a kind, wonderful heart. He needed to believe in himself more. Rachel found herself wanting to help him realize that he didn't have to be sad all of the time.

She was pulled from her thoughts when Finn gently touched her hand—they had arrived at the hospital. Rachel gripped the plate carrying the baked goods tightly in her hands as Finn opened the car door once again. Rachel climbed out of the car and stared up at the hospital. This shouldn't be this hard. She should be happy to see her papa, since she only had three to five months left to actually visit him.

But that was the problem. Rachel didn't want to think about losing her papa. It hurt too much. In the back of her mind, she knew that it was going to happen eventually. But Rachel didn't think that she would ever lose someone in her family—especially someone so close to her—to cancer.

Finn still didn't say a word. He simply held his hand out to Rachel. She felt as if she was about to cry once again, because Finn was offering her support without asking any questions. His presence was strong and reassuring.

Rachel slipped her hand into Finn's. Together, they walked into the hospital. Since Finn had no idea where they were going, Rachel had to lead him. Her steps were slow but constant as she made her way to the cancer wing. When Finn realized where they were going, he stepped closer to her and squeezed her hand.

When Rachel knocked on her papa's door, she heard him laugh. He was laughing as if nothing was wrong, and Rachel didn't know if she wanted to laugh with him or cry. He was so strong. Even though he knew that he was going to die, he still lived his life and didn't slip into a depression. Rachel was amazed at her papa.

"Rachel, you know that you don't have to knock," Leroy said. "You can come in whenever you want to."

Rachel managed a smile. "Right," she said. Her hand was still tucked in Finn's, and she gripped it tightly as she stepped into the room. Finn stayed close behind her, and Rachel wanted nothing more than to lean back into him. She stopped herself, however; despite how wonderful Finn had been, she didn't exactly know him well enough for that.

Leroy immediately noticed Finn's presence. "And who is this?" Leroy knew exactly who Finn was, but he was going to make Rachel say it. Just like Hiram, he was thrilled with the relationship his daughter seemed to be developing.

Rachel decided to appease her papa. "This is Finn Hudson, Papa. I hope you don't mind that he came with me to visit today."

"Of course not!" Leroy exclaimed. He gestured to the chairs situated by the bed. "You should sit down."

Still holding onto Finn's hand, Rachel took the seat nearest to Leroy's bed. It was as if Finn knew that she couldn't let go, because he pulled the other chair right up to Rachel's and sat down. It was obvious that Rachel's father had cancer, but Finn hadn't figured out much more than that. It explained a lot about Rachel's behavior, however.

Leroy's eyes zeroed in on the way Finn was holding Rachel's hand. He looked at the younger man, and Finn could feel the tips of her ears turning red. Here he was, in front of Rachel's father, holding onto to her hand like he did it every day. Honestly, it really did feel that way, but he pushed that thought away. He just had to be there for Rachel right now.

Leroy gave Finn an amused look but didn't comment on it. Instead, he turned to Rachel. "Why don't you tell me about the new parts you've been offered, little star?"

Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Daddy talked to you, didn't he?" When Leroy didn't say anything, Rachel sighed. "I haven't exactly been offered another part. I still have to audition for them, you know."

"But you'll get them for sure," Leroy said. Turning to Finn, he added, "Have you heard my little girl sing. She's quite the star, you know."

Rachel's cheeks turned bright pink. "Papa!" she protested. "I'm sure Finn was too busy to see one of the musicals while we were in high school." She gave Finn a small smile. "I won't hold it against you."

"Actually, I have seen some of the musicals," Finn admitted.

Rachel's eyes widened in surprise at Finn's admission. "Have you really?"

Finn smiled at the look of complete and utter shock on Rachel's face. "Just because I wasn't involved in the theater department doesn't mean I didn't see some shows from time to time."

"You mean that teachers were handing out extra credit points if you went to go see the musicals," Rachel deadpanned. She gave him this look with one eyebrow slightly arched, and Finn chuckled.

"Yeah, you're right. Guilty as charged, Rach. But that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it." It was how Finn had remembered Rachel when she had walked into the bar. The first time he had heard Rachel sing, she had only been a sophomore and he had been a senior. Her voice touched something in him that night, and he remembered that there hadn't been a single dry eye in the auditorium. He hadn't forgotten about it since then.

Rachel bit her lip as she looked up at him. Finn squeezed her hand again, and they did that thing where they just smiled at each other for an extended amount of time. Leroy was practically beside himself watching the two young adults interact. Something was happening between Finn and Rachel, and he was seeing it develop right before his eyes.

"I take it that you've heard Rachel sing, then," Leroy said.

"Papa!" Rachel exclaimed again. "Just because Finn enjoyed the show doesn't mean that he did because I was singing."

"That is why," Finn pointed out. When Rachel turned to look at him, Finn sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "I mean, the other parts of the plays were nice. But you're singing… it's really something else, Rach."

Rachel was used to getting compliments. She got them all throughout her high school and college career. Due to her power and talent, it hadn't been difficult for her to find a part on Broadway. That part led to a leading part, and the show had won a Tony. But there was something different about Finn's praise. His amber eyes bored into hers, and it made her heart beat faster and her stomach flutter.

"Thank you," Rachel said softly in response.

"If you thought that she was great in high school, you should hear her now," Leroy said. "Will you sing for me sometime soon, Rachela?"

And just like that, all of the lightness that Rachel had felt disappeared. Her papa wouldn't get to hear her sing for very much longer. He wouldn't get to see the new part she would get when she returned to New York. Rachel's chest constricted, and her grip tightened around Finn's hand once again. He shot her a worried look, but Rachel couldn't bring herself to look at him. Seeing Finn's genuine and true concern and support for her was sure to make her cry.

"Of course, Papa," Rachel forced herself to say. "Whenever you want me to. I'll sing whatever you want, too."

Leroy yawned. "Sing for me next time, Rachel. And you can pick whatever you want. Surprise me. I know it'll be a good song."

Rachel nodded her head. She could see that Leroy was getting tired. Despite the fact that their visit hadn't been that long, it had really taken a lot out of him. He easily tired these days, but that was too be expected. That didn't make it any easier for Rachel, though.

"We should probably get going," Rachel whispered. "You look tired."

Leroy looked as if he was going to protest, but he ended up not doing it. Instead, he just nodded his head and smiled. "Give me a kiss and a hug."

Rachel took a deep breath and slowly released Finn's hand before she stood up. Leaning over, she kissed Leroy's cheek and carefully hugged him. She held on to him as long as she could. Each hug now was more special than the last, because Rachel didn't know when the last one would be.

Rachel stood and wrapped her arms around her body as Finn stood as well. He offered his hand to shake to Leroy. The older man did so with a smile and a nod of his head; he didn't need to say anything, because Finn understood what Leroy was trying to convey.

"I'll see you soon, Rachela," Leroy said. "Love you."

Rachel gave her papa a real smile, then. "I love you too, Papa."

* * *

Rachel was staring out the window, but she wasn't really seeing anything as Finn drove. She pulled herself from her reverie when Finn parked the truck and turned it off. She looked around at the semi-familiar surroundings before she turned to Finn with a questioning look on her face.

"Finn, what are we doing here?" It was a park that had been in Lima for as long as Rachel could remember. Since it was the middle of the day during the week, it was empty. Finn, not saying anything, got out of the truck and opened the door for Rachel. He offered her his hand, and Rachel took it.

"It didn't really seem like you were ready to go home," Finn said. "I thought you could use some time outside of the house for a little bit. I hope this is okay."

Rachel squeezed Finn's hand. How did he know her so well already? Home was the last place that Rachel wanted to be at the moment. "It's perfectly alright, Finn."

Together, they made their way into the park. Rachel took in the slide and the play castle and the old swing set. A small smile formed on her lips. "You know, I don't think I've been here since my sophomore year of high school."

"Really?" Finn leaned against the swing set. "What made you stop coming? Did you get too cool for it, or something?"

Rachel laughed. "No, it wasn't anything like that." She looked around the playground once again, and she couldn't help the sadness that filled her. "I guess I just got too busy."

Finn watched her for several long moments. "That's depressing," he stated.

"I know," Rachel said with a sigh. It really was. She had stopped doing things like going to the playground or just relaxing and having fun once her junior year of high school rolled around. After that, it became about her future career on Broadway.

"Well." Finn pushed off from the swing set and reached for Rachel's hand. He led her over to one of the swings and sat her down on it before he stepped behind her. He gently began to push her, his hand strong and firm on her back. "You're not busy now, are you?"

A bright smile formed on Rachel's lips, and she held on to the rusty chains of the swing. Nearly half an hour passed in silence as Finn pushed Rachel on the swing. She had her eyes closed and she just reveled in the feeling of being free and light for that time.

But as always, reality crept back up on her. She gripped the chain of the swing tighter, and the words spilled from her mouth without any thought.

"My papa only has three to five months left to live."

Finn gently tugged the swing to a stop. He made his way to the front of the swing and put his hands on Rachel's shoulders. She was staring down at the ground; for once, she wasn't about to cry. She just forced herself to say it as it was.

Finn tucked two fingers under Rachel's chin and tilted her face up. Without a word, Finn tugged Rachel from the swing and pulled her into his arms. One hand tangled in her hair as the other smoothed up and down her back.

As Finn held her, all Rachel could think was this was the place she wanted to be.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you thought!**


	6. sweet caress my uneasy mind

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "Deep Ocean Vast Sea" by Peter Murphy.**

* * *

Rachel's admission kept Finn distracted all throughout his shift at the bar. It even kept him up all night. He had no idea how Rachel herself was dealing this, but he could see that she was barely holding it together at some points. Finn was in awe of the strength she had displayed thus far.

He was even more in awe of Leroy's. It made Finn think about his own life and the things he could have done. Knowing someone that knew they were going to die and was at peace with it really put things into perspective.

Finn sat up in bed and dragged his hands through his messy hair. Rachel had asked to see him again today, and of course Finn had said yes. If there was anything that he could do to help, he was going to do it.

Maybe Finn should have been afraid of the way he was willing to do anything he could for Rachel, but he really wasn't. It felt good, it felt… _alive_. This was the best that Finn had felt in years. He was amazed to realize that all he had needed was someone else—someone special—to feel this way.

He climbed out of bed and jumped into the shower. Rachel had asked Finn to come over as early as he could, so he assumed that she wanted to be distracted today. Whatever she wanted to do, Finn was going to do it.

Finn got dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He sent a quick text off to Rachel before he got into his truck and headed over to Rachel's childhood home. It wasn't that far from his mother and stepfather's house, actually. Finn wondered if they knew what was happening to Leroy Berry.

Rachel opened the door to greet Finn just as he stepped out of his truck. She was wearing a bright smile, and Finn was glad to see that she was in some type of good mood. Finn didn't doubt that Rachel was putting on a bit of a front, but he understood it.

"Hey, Rach," Finn greeted as he went up the walkway. "How are things going today?"

Rachel's smile faltered just a bit. "Things are just fine," she said.

Finn gave her a gentle smile. "Well, I hope you have something good planned for today. I'm a bartender, Rachel. I have to stay up late during the night, so getting up in the morning is a really big deal for me."

Rachel pushed playfully at his shoulder. "You did say that I could ask you over whenever I wanted to. You gave no stipulations."

"And here I thought I was being nice," Finn teased. "So let's go already."

Rachel reached out and took Finn's hand. He let her lead him into the kitchen, where she stopped in front of the oven. "I decided that I'm going to teach you how to make banana bread."

"Oh really?" Finn asked. "I thought that was your thing."

"It is, but I hear that you're quite the cook. I want to see if you can handle the banana bread."

"Challenge accepted," Finn said confidently with a wink.

Rachel grinned at him (and she blushed once again; the things Finn did to her...) and put on her favorite purple apron. She fished another apron from the pile—this one was pink and frilly. With a straight face, she handed it to Finn. "Go on. You need to wear an apron. I'd hate for you to ruin your t-shirt. Besides, you've already worn an apron like this!"

Finn raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the apron and then up at Rachel. She didn't falter at all, but a smirk began to form on her lips. Finn took the apron from Rachel and tugged it over his head. Rachel started laughing, but she attempted to cover it up by pressing a hand to her mouth.

"What are laughing at?" Finn demanded playfully. "I think I can pull this apron off."

"Oh yes," Rachel managed around her giggles. "Ruffles are definitely your thing."

Finn pointed at the ingredients that Rachel already had set up. "I know you're checking me out, Rachel, but you promised to teach me how to make this famous banana bread of yours."

Rachel's cheeks turned bright red, but she was still laughing. Finn grinned as he watched her. It was so nice to hear her laugh for real again. Her whole face lit up when she did. If he had to wear the pink and frilly apron in order for her to laugh, then he would do it.

Rachel started explaining the way she prepared the banana bread and the special ingredients that she used. Finn simply watched her; he didn't really pay attention to the actual process. It was just more about watching Rachel and seeing how much she enjoyed herself.

Rachel may have been some big Broadway star, but it was clear to see that she loved doing this such as this. She liked spending lazy Saturdays baking and hanging out with her friends. Despite the fact that she was now accustomed to the fast-paced life of New York City, she liked slowing things down just as much.

"Are you even paying attention right now?"

Rachel's voice sliced through Finn's musings. "What?"

A smile played on Rachel's lips. "I'm trying to teach you something, Finn."

"I know. You just look like you're really enjoying yourself."

Rachel looked over at the batter she had placed in the bread pan. The longer she looked at it, the more her smile faded. She let a long sigh and turned to slide the pan into the pre-heated oven.

"My papa showed me this recipe," Rachel revealed quietly. "He was always the one who had cooked for us. My daddy used to sit and watch him and say that it was one of his favorite things to do." A light laugh escaped Rachel as she remembered things from her childhood. "My daddy can't cook at all, so my papa passed down everything he knew to me. I can't cook, exactly, but I can bake well."

Finn stepped closer to Rachel. He settled against the counter next to her, leaning against it. "That sounds like a lot of fun."

Rachel smiled and got lost in the memories. "We used to do it almost every weekend. My papa would teach me how to cook and my daddy would watch us. I always used to imagine that when I had kids, he would still be there to cook with us. But now…" She trailed off and bit her lip.

Finn was at a loss for what to say. He couldn't say that everything was going to be okay, because it clearly wasn't. Rachel was going to lose one of her fathers, and that was something that they couldn't change no matter what happened.

"I brought Papa some of the banana bread," Rachel continued. "Yesterday, remember? It's always been his favorite. But he's too sick to keep any of it down. He can't even eat it but I left it there anyway because I don't even feel like eating it anymore."

"I think he still likes it," Finn blurted. He could have kicked himself as soon as the words left his mouth. He couldn't come up with anything better than that? That was probably the last thing that Rachel wanted to hear right now.

Rachel looked up at Finn with wide, sad eyes. "What?"

He couldn't do much worse, so Finn decided to try and explain himself. "I think that you dad knows that the whole process of making banana bread is something special between the two of you. It's something that all of you shared together. Even though he may not be able to eat it, I'm sure that he still appreciates it."

Rachel watched him for several long moments and Finn wondered if he had completely screwed this up. He always did have a bad case of word vomit, and it had picked the worst time to appear. Finn ran his hand through his hair and waited for Rachel to say something—anything.

What did come out of her mouth surprised Finn completely. Rachel turned to face Finn fully and she said, "How do you always know the right thing to say?"

Finn's mouth dropped open in surprise. "I… really?"

Rachel nodded her head. "Every time I see you, you find some way to make me feel better with just a few words." She bit her lip and brushed her fingers across Finn's chest lightly. Truth be told, she really wanted Finn to pull her into his arms again. The comfort and safety she felt in his arms was unlike anything she had ever experienced before.

It was like Finn could read her mind. He put one large hand on her shoulder and tugged her towards him. Rachel buried her face in Finn's chest and he rubbed his hands in circles up and down her back.

This was exactly what Rachel needed. She couldn't really run from her problems, but it felt good to know that Finn would be there for her when she needed it. He pulled her closer and pressed his cheek to the top of Rachel's head.

"I wish there was something else I could do for you, Rachel," he muttered.

Rachel's eyes fluttered closed and she sank further into his embrace. "You don't need to do anything else, Finn. This is perfect."

* * *

After that, their day became significantly lighter. Finn helped Rachel divide up the freshly baked banana bread (while managing to snag a piece for himself and talking Rachel into eating one as well) and package it up for her neighbors.

Then Rachel regulated Finn to a marathon of her favorite movies—all of which included Barbara Streisand. Finn managed to actually stay awake because Rachel sang along with every song. Her voice really was something else.

Finn and Rachel were still hanging out when Hiram returned home. He didn't even bother to hide his grin as he watched the two young adults interact. Rachel was so easygoing and happy around Finn. It was a nice change to see, since Hiram knew that Rachel hadn't really been dealing with what was happening very well.

Rachel excused herself to go upstairs for a few moments, leaving Finn alone with Hiram in the kitchen. The older man looked around, taking in the residue from Finn and Rachel's baking excursion earlier that day.

"I'm assuming that Rachel told you all about how I can't cook," Hiram said.

Finn chuckled. "She might have mentioned something about that, yeah."

Hiram smiled. "I think it was Rachel's favorite part of the weekend—even more so than all of the dancing and singing lessons she had. But I don't think she'll ever admit to it."

"She told me so earlier today when she was teaching me how to make the bread," Finn said.

"Really?" Hiram looked surprised at Finn's revelation. He hadn't thought that Rachel would ever admit that to a person, let alone someone she had really only just started hanging out with. "She said that?"

"She did," Finn affirmed.

"Hmm…" Hiram looked thoughtful for a moment before he suddenly grew serious. "I just wanted to thank you, Finn. You're doing a really wonderful thing for Rachel."

Finn's brow furrowed. "What am I doing, exactly?" he asked. He just wanted to be there for Rachel if she needed him. He didn't think that it was too special, because any person with a heart would do that. But apparently Hiram thought he was doing something near magical.

"Rachel trusts you," Hiram said. "I can tell. She needs someone like you right now."

Finn slowly nodded his head. He couldn't really think of anything to say in response to that, so he just let Hiram's words hang. It wasn't long before Rachel returned from the second floor of the house. She was wearing a smile on her face, and one formed on Hiram's because he hadn't seen his daughter this genuinely happy since she had returned home.

"What are you two talking about?" Rachel asked as she sat down at the island next to Finn.

Finn opened his mouth to say nothing much (because he thought that Rachel wouldn't exactly appreciate that they had been discussing her state of emotions), but Hiram beat him to the chase with something that he hadn't been expecting.

"I was actually just about to invite Finn to the dinner party that I'm having tomorrow night." Hiram smiled at his daughter. "I thought it might nice for you to have someone you know there."

Rachel clapped in excitement. "Oh, that would be wonderful!" Rachel definitely wanted Finn to go to the dinner party. She would feel much more comfortable having him there with her.

Finn was pleased by her obvious enthusiasm. "Sure, I'll be happy to go. Thank you for the invite."

As Hiram began to explain to Finn the details about the dinner party, Rachel sat back in her chair and couldn't help the bright smile that formed on her lips. Even though Rachel knew that she had to face her problems at some point, it was nice to just have this time… and it was even nicer that she was sharing it with Finn.

* * *

**Author's Note: The really good Finchel stuff is coming soon, I promise. I just wanted to update a little early because it's my wonderful friend firecracker1990's birthday today! I hope everyone has a happy Fourth of July! :) Thanks for reading!**


	7. in any which direction, call me

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from "Quiet Little Voices" by We Were Promised Jetpacks.**

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Finn turned towards Rachel with a sheepish look. He held up both ends of his tie and gave Rachel an adorable look that she honestly couldn't resist. "I'm having a little bit of trouble right now."

Rachel giggled. "I can see that. Do you really not know how to tie a tie?"

Finn actually pouted a little bit, and Rachel thought that he couldn't get any more adorable if he tried. "I always had someone else to do it for me," he admitted. "I never did it the right way, apparently." A dark look passed over Finn's face after that statement, but it quickly disappeared. Rachel bit her lip but didn't question it. Instead, she grabbed both ends of the loose tie and tugged Finn closer to her.

Rachel kept her eyes focused on knotting Finn's tie, instead of the way her entire body tingled at being so near to him. She quickly and expertly tied it and centered it slightly. She looked up at Finn and found him wearing that half smile that made her heart skip a beat.

"Thanks, Rach," he said as she stepped back.

"You're welcome," Rachel returned. She turned to check her reflection in the mirror, making sure that her hair was behaving and the hem of her dress was straight. She could still feel Finn's eyes on her, and she looked over her shoulder at him.

"What? Is there something on my dress?" she asked, worried that it was in the back and she hadn't noticed it before she had put it on. It was a pretty light pink dress with thin straps that crisscrossed over her back, perfect for the warmer weather that had suddenly descended upon Lima.

Finn shook his head. "No. You just look beautiful, that's all."

"Oh." Rachel's cheeks flushed and she bit her lip. "Thank you."

Finn grinned before he offered her his arm. "Ready to go downstairs?"

With a smile, Rachel slid her hand into the crook of Finn's arm. Together, they made their way down the stairs and into the living room, where the party was already in full swing. Rachel pressed on Finn's arm in order to steer him away from all of the unknown people and into the kitchen, where her father was.

"Daddy, do you need help with anything?" Rachel asked.

"The caterers have everything under control," Hiram said. "So don't worry about it. But look at the two of you! Finn, you have to let me take a picture of you and Rachel for your mother. She told me that she wanted to see the both of you all dressed up."

Finn's cheeks turned red and Rachel blanched. "Daddy!" she exclaimed. "Have you been talking to Finn's mother?"

"She lives close, Rachel." Hiram said it easily, like it wasn't that big of a deal. Still, Rachel couldn't believe that her daddy had talked about this with Finn's mother (but really, though, it shouldn't have surprised her. Hiram was the type to meddle). "We chat from time to time."

Rachel sent Finn and apologetic look, but he just smiled down at her. It was then that she realized that her hand was still tucked into Finn's arm. She was actually kind of pressed against Finn's side. If Finn had noticed, he hadn't made a move to pull away, so Rachel didn't either.

In Rachel's study of Finn, she hadn't realized that he was watching her watch him. It wasn't until she heard her daddy's phone go off that Rachel was pulled out of her Finn-induced trance. She turned to face Hiram and found him grinning as he snapped several more photos.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed again.

Hiram ignored her. "Now I need one where both of you are looking at the camera. So get together and smile!"

Finn and Rachel did as Hiram directed. Rachel slid her hand up Finn's chest and he wrapped his arm around her waist as they turned towards the camera in the phone and smiled. Hiram made an excited noise when he finished but refused to let Rachel see the picture when she tried to approach him.

"I'm going to send this off to Carole!" Hiram declared as he locked his phone and slid it back into his pocket.

"Daddy, let me see it," Rachel said even though Hiram's phone was already hidden.

"Don't worry, princess. It's a wonderful picture. I'm sure you'll see it at some point." Hiram pointed to several serving dishes as a distraction. "Would you two mind taking some of the appetizers out? We still have about half an hour to go before dinner and I have to go talk up some potential clients."

Rachel went to pick up one of the platters, but Finn beat her to it, leaving her with one of the smaller ones. She smiled at him and bumped his hip with hers as she took the small dish out into the crowd. Hiram watched them go, wondering which one of them would own up to their feelings first. Even more than that, he wondered how soon it would happen.

"I'm sorry about the thing with my father and the pictures," Rachel said as she and Finn set the dishes on the coffee table in the living room.

"I didn't mind it," Finn told her. "I'm sure my mom would have called asking for pictures anyway."

Rachel laughed and went to say something, but one of her father's co-workers interrupted her. He was a loud, boisterous man that was often the first one to get drunk at the holiday party, and Rachel had no doubt that that would be the case this time. In fact, she could already smell the wine coming off the guy.

"Rachel Berry! It's been a while since I've seen you at one of these things!" he exclaimed loudly.

Rachel gave him a polite smile. "Mr. Walker, it's nice to see you again." Figuring she should be a proper daughter of the host, she turned to Finn and introduced, "Finn, this is one of my father's co-workers, Chase Walker. Mr. Walker, this is my… this is Finn Hudson."

Rachel didn't know why she faltered on what to call Finn. Actually, she did know, but she just didn't want to admit it. She didn't want Finn to hear her calling him her friend, because she didn't want to give him the idea that that was all she wanted. But what if Finn didn't want the same thing as her? What if he only wanted to be friends and didn't feel the same things she was feeling?

If Finn noticed how Rachel stumbled over the words, he didn't mention it. Instead, he held his hand out to Chase and said, "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Walker."

Chase returned the hand shake as he gave Finn a curious look. "Hmmm, Finn Hudson? Why do I know that name? Oh, I know why! You were the starting quarterback for the McKinley Titans, weren't you?"

Something happened to Finn then. He tensed completely, his jaw locking like it had at the dinner that Rachel had attended with his parents. Finn nodded his head slowly, and his voice was stiff as he spoke. He was doing his best to keep his face pleasant but otherwise expressionless. "Yeah. That was me."

Chase clearly didn't see how uncomfortable his question had made Finn. "Whatever happened to you, Hudson? You disappeared after the championship game your senior year! Damn, that was a great game. What a win! The Titans haven't had a team that good since then."

Finn's fists clenched and the vein in his jaw popped dangerously. Seeing this, Rachel grabbed his hand and stepped between Chase and Finn. She laced their fingers together and squeezed supportively.

"Mr. Walker, I think I hear my father calling us to help him with something," Rachel said quickly. Without giving Chase a chance to reply, Rachel tugged Finn from the room. She was surprised when he went with her without struggle, since he could have easily forced Rachel to change direction.

Rachel pulled Finn down the hallway and into the recreational room at the back of the house. Finn still had a stormy look on his face, and the vein in his jaw was still throbbing. Rachel took his hands in both of hers and settled in front of him.

"Finn, look at me," Rachel said gently. Finn was still glaring at the ground, so Rachel squeezed his hands. "Come on, Finn. Look at me."

Finally, Finn looked at Rachel. She smiled at him and saw the way his face relaxed just a little bit. "Do you want to tell me what got you so worked up back there?"

"Not really," Finn admitted. He gave her an apologetic look, and Rachel just nodded her head in understanding. She could totally get that there were some things people didn't want to talk about. She was the same way about her papa. She didn't want to talk about what was happening unless she absolutely had to. She supposed that everyone had that one thing in their life that they were closed off about.

"Alright, that's fine," Rachel said gently. Her thumbs rubbed over the backs of his hands. "Do you want to just take a deep breath, then?"

That got Finn to crack a smile. He shook his head as his hands tightened around hers. "Really, Rach?"

"Really!" Rachel said brightly. "It works, you know. It helps calm you down and center yourself."

"I think I'll be just fine, Rachel. But thank you for pulling me out of there before I said something stupid. I kind of have a tendency to get really angry."

"Really?" Rachel was intrigued by this information. In the two years that they had been in high school together, Rachel didn't think she had ever seen Finn get angry like that. But then again, this was the first time that she was getting to really know him (and despite how she didn't want to see him angry, she couldn't deny that Finn was very attractive when his temper spiked a little bit. Then again, Finn was attractive all the time).

Finn looked a little sheepish, and he rubbed the back of his neck. Rachel could see that this was something that he did when he got nervous or embarrassed. "Sometimes I don't have a very good handle on my temper. But, you know. I've been working on it a little bit. Working in a bar helps. I have to deal with some pretty obnoxious people."

Rachel smiled a little at that before she stroked her thumbs over the back of Finn's hands. "You'll be okay. You know that, right?"

Finn shook his head a little bit. "You don't even know what happened, Rachel."

"That may be true, but I really do believe that you'll be okay." Rachel smiled brightly at Finn. He was right. She didn't know exactly what had happened to him in the seven years since he had graduated high school. She didn't know why he was still in Lima, and she didn't know why he had the sad look in his eyes most nights. But she did know that, somehow, everything was going to work out for Finn Hudson.

Finn stared down at Rachel, his amber eyes boring into hers. Then, without a word, Finn hauled Rachel into his arms and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her neck. Rachel spread her tiny hands over his back and closed her eyes as Finn held her.

She didn't know how long they stood there, just holding on to each other like that. In any case, it made both Rachel and Finn feel so much better. They didn't need to say anything; just their shared touch was enough.

Rachel heard her daddy call for them, and she jumped out of Finn's arms and went to head Hiram off before he could find Rachel and Finn alone in the back room. Finn chuckled at her antics and Rachel made a face at him over her shoulder before she called, "We'll be right out, Daddy!"

Turning around to face Finn once again, she walked towards him and took her hand. Looking down, she couldn't believe the size difference between them. She was holding one of Finn's large hands between both of hers, and her hands looked so small in comparison to his.

"Are you sure that you're going to be okay, Finn?" Rachel asked.

Finn smiled down at her and pulled her close again, squeezing briefly around her shoulders before he let go. Rachel found herself wishing that Finn would still keep her wrapped in his embrace, and she blushed at the thought.

"I think I'll be just fine," Finn said, pulling Rachel from her thoughts. "Thank you, Rachel."

"Of course, Finn," Rachel said. She was pleasantly surprised when Finn took her hand and led her back out into the dinner party. Both Finn and Rachel were smiling the entire time.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! And more of Finn's story will be revealed soon, I promise.**


	8. if things could ever be this good again

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters.**

* * *

Rachel stared at her reflection in the mirror. "What are you doing?" she asked herself.

Her reflection didn't answer, as she had hoped it would. She wanted someone to tell her the answers, tell her that everything was going to be okay and that it was all going to work out no matter what.

But apparently life didn't work like that. Rachel sighed and pushed her bangs back from her forehead. She had never been so pale in her entire life. There were constant bags under her eyes, and the only time she ever really smiled anymore was when she was completely distracted.

Right then, Rachel's phone rang. She glanced at it long enough to see that Santana was calling before she swiped her finger across her phone to answer.

"What am I doing?" Rachel asked by way of greeting.

"Finn Hudson," Santana said without missing a beat.

Rachel's cheeks immediately flamed bright red. "Santana!"

"What? You asked and I answered. And if you're not doing Finn Hudson, you should be. I think it would make you feel a lot better. Like, whole lot better."

"That's not what I meant, Santana, and you know it." Rachel turned away from her reflection; it was just too depressing to keep looking at it. "I just don't know what to do."

Santana sighed. "Berry, I know your situation sucks. I wouldn't wish what's happening to you on anyone. But I think that… I think that you need to stop thinking. Don't over analyze everything. Just let it happen."

Rachel took a deep, steadying breath. Maybe Santana was right. It wasn't like Rachel could change what was happening, much as she wanted to. She had to turn her brain off and just let things happen. And she wanted to let go more than anything. More than that, she wanted to let go with Finn.

Santana took Rachel's silence for affirmation. "Are you going to see your father again today?"

"Maybe," Rachel said evasively. She may have decided to stop over-analyzing things, but that didn't mean that she was exactly ready to go visit Leroy on her own. Rachel wasn't sure that she would ever be ready for that. It killed her to admit that to herself, so that was one thing that she refused to think about.

Santana knew that Rachel was finished talking about her father and how he had cancer. "So let's change the subject, then." She figured it would be safer for Rachel to decide what to talk about instead of picking something herself.

Rachel thought for a moment before she said, "Do you remember Kurt Hummel?"

"The little singing one who always wore the tight pants?" Santana asked. "Yeah, I think I remember him. Why do you ask?"

"He's Finn's step brother," Rachel explained. "And we had dinner with his parents a few nights ago—"

"Wait a second," Santana interrupted. "You had dinner with his parents and you haven't fucked him yet? God, what is wrong with you Berry?"

Rachel ignored Santana's somewhat twisted logic and went on like she hadn't heard her. "—And they mentioned Kurt. Finn got really tense when it happened. He was so angry."

"What do you want me to say?" Santana demanded. "It's not like I know anything about Kurt Hummel. We weren't friends or anything in high school. And I checked out of Lima as soon as we graduated. I literally walked off of the stage and drove to New York."

"I know, Santana," Rachel said patiently. "I was just asking a question. I don't really know what happened with Finn when he graduated. I know he finished high school two years before us, but still."

"He had a scholarship to some Big Ten school for football," Santana revealed. She had been a cheerleader in high school, so she knew a little bit about the football team. Really, though, she hadn't paid much attention to the players. Santana had pushed her high school experiences to the back of her mind because she just didn't care about it anymore. "And I know that he lost it, but I don't know how."

That certainly piqued Rachel's interest. She had no idea that Finn had a scholarship and lost it. At this point, she didn't even know if he had gone to college at all. Really, she didn't know anything about Finn's life since he had graduated (besides the fact that he didn't get along with his stepbrother, worked at McLarens, liked to cook, and had the biggest heart of anyone she had ever known).

The business dinner that Hiram had thrown had been two nights ago. Rachel and Finn had texted a few times, but they hadn't had a chance to hang out since then. She remembered how one of Hiram's coworkers had asked Finn about his football career. It had made Finn so angry, so obviously something had happened.

But Rachel was sure that Finn would tell her on his own time, if he wanted to at all. Rachel was finding that she wanted to be there for Finn and help him. Her crush had developed so far beyond that point now, but as she had decided, she wasn't going to think about it. She was just going to let it happen.

"That's really sad," was all that Rachel said in response to Santana's revelation, however. Of course, Santana was quick to ruin the serious moment.

"I bet it would make him happy if you fucked him."

"Santana!"

* * *

"How's it looking down there?"

Finn's tongue was poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. He was currently tinkering with the parts underneath a Jeep. Once again, Burt had called him into the auto shop to help out. Finn didn't mind. It was something that he had done all throughout high school, and it was good, honest work.

Of course, Finn didn't want to do it for the rest of his life. But it was sort of like a hobby, and it was nice to do every now and then.

When he thought about what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, Finn could really see himself being in a kitchen. He got a rush from running the bar and the kitchen and he had such a good time doing it. The only thing was, McLaren's wasn't _his_ bar. Finn wanted something that he had created all on his own.

Burt cut through Finn's musings when he prompted him for an answer once again. Finn finished tightening something that had been loose as he spoke. "It's looking good. I'll be finished up in just a second."

"Good. When you're finished, there's someone here to see you," Burt told him. As soon as he was finished speaking, Finn could hear him walking away. Instantly curious, Finn made sure everything under the Jeep was in working order before he slid out from underneath it.

Finn was pretty surprised to find Rachel Berry standing in the middle of his stepfather's auto shop. She looked extremely put together in her little white skirt with the pink blouse, but she didn't look out of place. Finn grabbed a somewhat dirty rag and attempted to wipe the oil off of his hands.

"Hey, Rach," he greeted. Rachel turned to face him with a smile on her face, and a smile of his own instantly formed on Finn's face in return.

"Hello, Finn," Rachel said as she stepped closer to him. She looked around, her eyes wide as she took in all of the cars and different parts littering the store.

Finn chuckled at the wonder on her face. It seemed as if it didn't really take a lot to amaze Rachel, and that was kind of wonderful. She really seemed to appreciate the little things in life, and that was nice to see. It wasn't something that Finn often saw anymore; in fact, he kind of wondered if he had stopped enjoying the small things.

He had a feeling that Rachel Berry was going to change all of that for him.

"What brings you out this way?" Finn asked.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I was just around and…" She trailed off and bit her lip. "I hope that's okay."

"Of course it's okay, Rach." Finn's day had instantly been brightened by the presence of Rachel. From the smile on her face, he kind of had the feeling that he had bettered her day as well. "You can come find me any time you want to."

Rachel's cheeks flushed. "Really?" she asked as if she didn't quite believe him.

Finn had sort of been playfully teasing her before, but he actually did mean it. If she wanted to hang out with him, he'd be more than up for it. "Really," he confirmed with twinkling eyes.

Rachel beamed at him as she looked around once again. She eyed Finn in the jumpsuit he was wearing. It was open at the throat and the sleeves of the gray-blue material were pushed up, revealing his muscled forearms. She had no idea that someone could wear an auto shop jumpsuit so well, but Finn more than pulled it off.

"You know, my car has been acting up a little bit," Rachel said. "It hasn't really been driven since I graduated from high school, so no one has really kept up with the maintenance." Yes, she was shamelessly flirting with Finn right now. No, she didn't care. It just felt so right to be with him like this.

Finn arched an eyebrow. There was some scruff on his face, and he just looked so unbelievably attractive. Really, it was kind of unfair. Rachel forced herself to focus on what Finn was saying instead of his lips as he formed the words.

"Maybe I have to come over and check it out for you," Finn said. He was flirting right back at her, and a thrill ran through Rachel.

"You'll have to," Rachel agreed. As she continued her study of his face, Rachel noticed some oil smudged on the side of his nose. She began to giggle, and Finn's brow furrowed.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" he asked.

"Actually, you do," Rachel told him. Finn immediately started rubbing at his face, but he completely missed the spot. It only caused Rachel to laugh harder, and she stepped towards Finn until she was almost chest to chest with him.

"Come here," she said as she gestured for Finn to lower his face. He gave her an amused look and simply looked down at her.

"What? Can't you reach?" he teased as he stood at his full height.

Rachel huffed and put her hands on her hips, playing along with his game. "I can't help it if you have giant genes and I don't. Now if you want me to help you, you'll bend down."

Finn chuckled and did as he was told. Rachel cupped his face in both of her hands and used her thumb to brush the smudge of oil away. Once it was gone, Rachel continued to stroke his cheek for a few moments until her eyes connected with his.

Rachel hadn't realized how close she was to Finn, but now she was certainly aware of it. Impulsively, Rachel leaned forward and kissed Finn's cheek.

"What was that for?" Finn asked softly.

Rachel bit her lip. "Just… thank you. For everything you've done for me lately, I mean. You don't have to, but you do it anyway. I…" Rachel's hand was still against Finn's cheek. "Thank you."

"I don't mind," Finn said. His eyes never left hers as he spoke. "I wanted to. I still want to."

Those words meant more to Rachel than she could have ever explained. Rachel didn't think about the next words that came out of her mouth. She slid her hand down to Finn's neck and took a slow, even breath.

"You can kiss me if you want to," Rachel whispered.

Finn's eyes darkened, and he put his hands on her waist and pulled her flush against him. "I want to," he repeated before his lips came down over hers.

As Rachel stood in the middle of the auto shop, sharing a kiss with Finn Hudson for the first time, she wondered how she could have gone her entire life without experiencing this. It wasn't as all like she imagined—it was better. It was a million times better. It set every nerve in Rachel's body on fire.

Finn's tongue coaxed Rachel's lips open, and she couldn't help the small whimper she let out as his danced with hers. The kiss was slow and deep, and Rachel could feel it all the way down to her toes.

When they broke apart, Rachel kept her forehead pressed to Finn's. She wasn't thinking about it anymore; she had just let it happen. And Rachel was discovering that it was the best thing she could have let happen.

* * *

**Author's Note: Yay for Finchel! As always, thank you for taking the time to read this, and please let me know what you thought!**


	9. you wouldn't say so if you were me

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "Halo" by Bethany Joy Lenz (also known as Haley James Scott on the TV show **_**One Tree Hill**_**).**

* * *

"Honestly, though, I need you to take a look at my car."

"What?" Finn chuckled as he looked down at Rachel. She was curled against his side with his arms wrapped around her while one of his hands played with her hair. They were currently having a nice, quiet day and watching a movie at her house. "I thought you were just flirting with me when you said that."

Rachel gave Finn a sultry smile. "I was," she revealed. Oh, she had definitely been flirting. Rachel had known exactly what she was doing when she had been in that auto shop with Finn. "Seriously, though, my car needs to be fixed. The check engine light keeps coming on, and I can't keep borrowing my daddy's car."

Finn kissed the top of Rachel's head before he stood up and rubbed his hands together. "Alright. I guess I'll head out to the garage and see if I can figure out what the problem is."

"What is it going to cost me?" Rachel asked as she stood up as well. She stepped closer to him, placing her hands flat against his chest.

Finn smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him. "Are you flirting with me again?"

"Guilty," Rachel affirmed with a giggle.

"I mean, we normally charge our customers a pretty decent price. But for you, I think I can make an exception. How about a few kisses?" Finn gave Rachel an adorable grin, and her heart melted. She stretched up on her tiptoes to offer Finn a kiss, a bright smile on her face when their lips touched.

Rachel and Finn had shared their first kiss in the auto shop two days ago. She had left not long after that, exchanging a few parting kisses with Finn. They had spent hours after that exchanging silly and sweet text messages, and it made Rachel feel so giddy. Finn just made her feel so special.

The following day, they had both been busy so they hadn't been able to see each other. But Rachel hadn't been able to keep herself from thinking about the kisses she had shared with Finn. She felt as if she could still feel his lips on hers, and she wanted it to happen again. So Rachel had called Finn and asked him to come over the next day. As soon as she opened the door, Rachel had greeted Finn with a kiss.

That had been the extent of what they had discussed. Rachel wasn't one for flings (she had tried it once at the very beginning of college and it had ended with disastrous results. She had definitely learned her lesson), so she wouldn't have started something with Finn if she didn't believe that it would lead somewhere. As cheesy as it sounded, she knew that whatever this was between her and Finn was big.

Finn looked over his shoulder when he noticed Rachel following him to the garage. "I don't think I'll be that long. You can keep watching the movie if you want."

"Oh, but I want to watch you work on my car." Rachel bit her lip and perched herself on one of the work tables next to her unused car. "I don't think you realize how hot it is to watch you work on cars."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Rachel's cheeks turned bright red. She couldn't believe that she had just said that! Rachel normally wasn't so forward with guys, but Finn made it so easy. She felt like she could say whatever she was thinking and Finn wouldn't judge her for it. He was just that kind of guy.

To Rachel's surprise, Finn looked down at the ground instead of responding with a flirtatious comment of his own. He mumbled something under his breath that Rachel couldn't catch as he made his way over to her car. He popped the hood on Rachel's car and began to check it without saying another word.

"Finn?" Rachel jumped off the table and went to stand next to him. "Finn, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Finn mumbled.

"Finn—" Rachel began again, but she stopped herself. She didn't know what had just happened or what had caused Finn to react that way. So she settled for saying the only thing she could think of: "I'm sorry."

Finn peered around the hood of her car. "What are you sorry for?" He was truly confused at Rachel's apology, unsure of why she was suddenly so quiet.

She gestured to the frown still on Finn's face. "Whatever it was that I said to make you upset. I'm sorry."

Finn sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "It wasn't what you said…" A small smile appeared on his face. "I like that you called me hot. But I don't know…" Finn shrugged his shoulders. How could he explain to Rachel that, sure, he had gotten plenty of offers from people passing through Lima, or the older women that sometimes stopped in the bar? But really, that was the furthest thing from what he wanted. Finn wanted a real relationship with a person that he connected with, and he hadn't been able to find that at all.

Finally, Finn felt as if he could have that with Rachel Berry. But she had a life and success in New York. What would she want with a Lima loser like him? Hearing Rachel call him hot only reminded Finn of how she was going to be eventually leaving. It was a weird connection, but it was the one Finn made in his mind.

Instead of saying this all to her, Finn pulled Rachel to him and kissed her gently. "Don't worry about it," he said. "I'm sorry that I overreacted." He flashed her that half smile. "And you should know that you're beautiful."

"I'm not hot?" Rachel teased. Secretly, she loved Finn's chosen adjective. There was something so much more intimate and wonderful about the word "beautiful."

For now, she decided to push away Finn's odd reaction to her compliment. She believed that he would explain himself if he wanted to; until then, she wasn't going to push it. Rachel was glad when she saw Finn grin in response to her playful question. He seemed to have relaxed completely, his earlier tenseness forgotten.

Finn chuckled. "You're definitely hot," he said. "But you're also more than that."

Rachel's cheeks pinked and she smiled shyly. "You have such a way with words, Finn Hudson."

"I'm normally not this smooth," Finn said with a laugh. He turned back to Rachel's car and began to inspect the engine once again. "So you should enjoy this while it lasts."

"I remember you being pretty smooth in high school," Rachel pointed out. She hadn't really interacted directly with Finn during the two years they had shared together at McKinley, but she did remember seeing quite a few cheerleaders hanging on to his every word.

That's not to say that Finn indulged in all of that, because he certainly didn't. He had a mother who raised him right and he was a respectable young man. The point was, Rachel knew that he had a way with women, even if Finn himself didn't realize it.

Finn's face instantly closed off again. "That was high school," he said quietly.

It made Rachel wonder (for what had to be the millionth time) what happened to him to make him end up like this. Rachel had been so wrapped up in her own world—getting parts in the different plays and musicals, participating in all of her voice, dance, and acting classes, doing as much volunteer work as she could in order to build her resume—that she had only caught news of Finn graduating. Beyond that, she hadn't heard much else.

Rachel slid her arms around Finn's neck and tugged his face down to hers. She brushed her lips against his gently and waited until he relaxed once again. Finn let out a long, slow breath and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

Rachel's brow furrowed as she pulled back just enough to look into Finn's face. "What are you talking about? What do you have to be sorry for?"

Finn's eyes opened. "I keep shutting you out and I shouldn't be. You've done nothing wrong and you don't deserve to be treated like that."

Rachel smiled. At least he recognized that he was doing it and wanted to correct the problem, or at least address it. That was more than she could say for a lot of people. Rachel reached up with one hand and stroked his cheek, her fingers rubbing over the slight stubble.

"I think it's obvious that we both have our fair share of problems," Rachel said. "You know what's going on with my father, but I… I don't really like talking about it. And you've been so wonderful and you haven't pushed me at all. I'll do the same for you, Finn. You don't need to tell me about your problems if you don't want to. You just need to know that I'll be here for you whenever you need me."

Rachel meant it when she said it. She felt such an intense connection to Finn, one that she couldn't even begin to explain. She hadn't even realized that it had been formed—one day after seeing him, it was like it had hit her in the face. This was what she wanted.

Finn stared down at her with a myriad of emotions swirling in his amber eyes. Another moment passed before he was suddenly hugging her to his chest, his face buried in her neck. Rachel returned the embrace until Finn pulled back and kissed her deeply, his lips urgent against hers.

He pressed her against the side of the car, one had on the small of her back and the other on her hip. His tongue slipped past her lips, sliding against hers and Rachel couldn't help the long moan that escaped her lips.

When they broke apart, Finn kept his forehead pressed against Rachel's. He brought one hand up to lightly touch her hair, combing his fingers through the silky strands. "You're amazing," he murmured once he caught his breath.

"You're amazing too, you know," Rachel whispered in return.

Finn only smiled sadly at her before he kissed her again. He squeezed her hips and then pulled back. "Guess I should see if I can figure out what's wrong with your car, huh."

Rachel knew that they were done with the subject for now. But now Finn knew that she would be there for him whenever he needed her, just as Rachel knew that he would be there for her. Relationships were all about give and take, and even though it was early in theirs, they were finding their balance.

"I suppose you should," Rachel agreed. She stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek and then settled back to watch Finn do his work.

* * *

As soon as the front door opened, Rachel knew she was in for some questioning. She wasn't disappointed. Her father came running into the living room, his eyes wide with excitement. Rachel sighed and set aside the book she had been reading; she had a feeling that her father was going to be asking questions for a while.

"Was that Finn Hudson's car I just saw driving down the street?" Hiram demanded.

There really wasn't any point in trying to beat around the bush. "Yes, Daddy."

"Is there any chance that he was coming from here?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Hiram was practically about to explode from his giddiness. "Were you on a date, perhaps?"

"I suppose you could call it that." It had been a casual date, if that had been what it was. After Finn had checked out Rachel's car, they had returned to watching their movie (they had even spent quite a bit of time making out, but Rachel's daddy didn't need to know that).

"Is he your boyfriend now?"

"Daddy!" Rachel didn't have a definitive answer to that question. "This only started a few days ago. Don't scare him off, alright?"

Hiram looked affronted. "I would do no such thing! If anyone would scare him off, it would be your papa. That's normally his job."

At the mention of her papa, the amused smile on Rachel's lips immediately slipped away. Hiram, noticing his daughter's change in demeanor, sat on the couch next to her and hugged her tightly.

"I know, star," Hiram said gently. "I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking the same thing. But it's going to be okay."

Rachel let out a shaky breath. The strength that her daddy was displaying truly amazed her. He was going to lose the man that he loved and there was nothing he could do about it, yet he was positive and grateful for the time they had spent together. Even more than that, he was enjoying the time they had left.

Sure, Hiram was upset. But Leroy was at peace with what was happening to him, and what else could Hiram do but be there with him?

Rachel smiled and hugged her daddy tightly. "Thanks Daddy," she said.

"And just so you know," Hiram added. "I think your papa really likes Finn anyway. He said so after the two of you visited him."

A small smile came onto Rachel's face at the memory. Finn had been just so perfect and sweet that day. "Finn was really great that day."

Hiram knew that his little girl was falling hard for Finn Hudson, but he didn't want to do anything further to embarrass her. "But you're not supposed to tell Finn that," he said. "Your papa still wants the chance to scare Finn."

Rachel laughed. Maybe she should warn Finn, because he definitely had no idea what he was getting into.

* * *

**Author's Note: I wanted to post this chapter, because it had some warm and fuzzy Finchel stuff in it. The really heavy stuff for this story won't be updated for a while. I just wanted to thank you all for continuing to read and support these stories. Thank you. :)**


	10. good times for a change

**Disclaimer: I don't anything. This chapter title comes from the song "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" by the Smiths.**

* * *

Finn looked down at the cake in front of him. He sent a suspicious look his mother's way, but she just smiled at him. Finn raised an eyebrow before he sighed and began to eat the slice that she had provided him with when he had sat down. His mother had gone through all of the trouble of making his favorite cake, so he might as well eat it.

Carole Hudson-Hummel happened to be an excellent cook. Finn had inherited his skills in the kitchen from her, so at least Finn knew that he was in for some delicious dessert. But this was also the way that Carole attempted to bribe him. The last time she had really and truly made this cake (dark chocolate with this great caramel icing and filling that took such a long time to make), she had told him that he was getting a stepbrother and stepfather.

Carole sat across from Finn with a small plate of her own. She didn't really eat, however; instead, she just watched Finn. The longer she went without saying anything, the more Finn's appetite disappeared. He frowned as he set down his fork.

"Mom, you might as well just tell me what's on your mind," he said. There was no use for any preamble. If Carole was breaking out the big guns, Finn was bound to be upset by whatever news it was anyway.

"Oh, Finny. Why does anything have to be on my mind?" Carole asked as she tried to feign innocence.

Finn pointed at the large cake smeared with the decadent icing before him. "Mom, come on. Let's be serious here."

Carole sighed and pushed the plates to the side. It was clear that Finn was finished eating, and he probably wasn't going to let the topic drop until she told him what was going on. Unfortunately, Carole wasn't exactly eager to divulge her news.

She had noticed how much happier Finn had been since he started hanging around with Rachel Berry. Finn hadn't said anything to her, but Carole could see that some type of romantic relationship was forming between the two young adults. It was like Finn was becoming his old self again, the one she had seen in high school—a confident young man who had big dreams and wanted to make the world a better place. Carole had missed that part of her son.

"Mom," Finn prompted again. She was actually starting to worry him. Ever since Finn had found out what was going on with the Berry family, he knew that he shouldn't take anything for granted. That was easier said than done, of course.

Carole sighed. "So Burt has his yearly checkup coming up soon."

Finn nodded his head. During his last year of high school, Burt had had a heart attack. It had been a very difficult time for the family, and it had been quite a scare. Ever since then, Burt had been on a pretty strict diet and went in for checkups to make sure everything was alright.

"Yeah," Finn said when Carole paused for a prolong amount of time. "What about it?"

"Well…" Carole winced before revealing what was going to happen. She might as well just tell Finn and get it over with. "Kurt decided that he wanted to come visit this year."

Finn stared at his mother for a very long moment. The more time that passed, the more his jaw tightened and his fists clenched. Finn forced himself to take a deep breath through his nose. He hadn't exactly expected that news, but he had to try and calm down.

He finally spoke through clenched teeth. "What?"

Carole pressed her lips together before continuing. "You know that Burt's last appointment didn't exactly go well." It wasn't that Burt was in danger of another immediate heart attack; it was just that, while getting up there in age, Burt needed to be even more careful than he had before.

Finn snorted. "I didn't realize that Kurt cared so much."

"Finn!" Carole stared at her son in shock. "I can't believe you would say something like that."

Finn's jaw clenched so hard that his teeth started to grit together. He supposed that it hadn't been fair to say something like that. Just because Kurt didn't care about his older brother or his hometown didn't mean that he didn't care about his father. As far as Finn knew, Kurt only selectively cared about his family members.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"That's hardly fair, Finn," Carole chastised. "You know that Kurt cares—"

"I said that I was sorry, alright?" Finn pushed his chair back from the kitchen table and stood up. "That's great that he's coming home—oh, I'm sorry. I mean back to Lima. You know, since this isn't his home anymore."

Carole sighed. "Finn, stop it."

Finn shook his head. "Mom, you were there. You know what he said to me. He's supposed to be my brother? I'm sorry, I haven't considered him that for a very long time. So he's going to visit. That's great. Don't call me, because I won't be around."

And with that, Finn left the house, slamming the door behind him. Carole stared at the closed door sadly; she only wished that Finn could get past all of the demons in his life.

* * *

Rachel sighed as she stared up at the pretty cherry blossoms in the trees. She was at the park by the hospital, walking aimlessly around. She didn't have such a hard time of getting herself to the hospital anymore, but staying there for more than an hour was difficult. That was about all she could handle without showing the extreme and intense sadness she was harboring.

Rachel didn't want it to be hard; she wanted to spend time with her father, especially since she knew that that time was limited. So she tapered her visits and made sure that she smiled and laughed the entire time. It made her fathers smile when she did, so she was going to keep doing it if it was going to help.

Rachel had been so caught up in her musings that she almost missed the familiar form running past her. She did a double take and turned to find a sweaty and shirtless Finn running through the park. Her heart skipped a beat and her cheeks flushed as she took in his appearance. Finn Hudson was really too attractive for his own good.

But seeing him made her immediately feel a million times better. "Finn!" she called out.

Finn stopped and yanked his headphones from his ears. When he caught sight of Rachel, he smiled and jogged back over to her.

"Hey, baby," he greeted as he bent to kiss her cheek.

Rachel's heart swelled at the affectionate name. It had slipped from Finn's mouth so easily, it was almost as if he had been saying it his entire life.

"Is that all I get? A kiss on the cheek?" Rachel asked as she playfully pouted.

Finn chuckled and looked down at himself. "Well, I am pretty sweaty, so I just kind of figured…"

Rachel stared at the glistening sweat on his bare chest and felt her entire body heat up. So yeah, Finn was sweaty and tired from his run. But really… Rachel didn't care about that.

Rachel reached up to slide her arms around his neck. "Ah, screw it," she muttered before yanked his head down to hers. She felt Finn smiling against hers lips before his hands settled on her waist and he tugged her closer.

When Rachel pulled away she wrinkled her nose before she smiled. "You could definitely do with a shower, but it was worth it. What are you running for, anyway?"

Finn had been grinning while Rachel was talking, but when she asked him why he was running his face immediately darkened. Rachel could practically see the walls fly up as his jaw tensed.

"Just wanted to work some stress out," he mumbled.

Rachel's brow furrowed in concern and she took one of Finn's hands in between both of hers. "Finn, what's going on? Talk to me."

Finn turned to look down at her, and Rachel was surprised at the cold hardness in his eyes. When Finn's eyes connected with hers, however, his face softened a little. His shoulders relaxed and he sighed quietly.

"It's nothing, Rach," Finn said. He felt bad for not opening up to her. But in the middle of a public park while Rachel was dealing with her own family problems wasn't exactly Finn's ideal way of telling her. Besides, he preferred not think about the things that had happened in the past. He was finally becoming happier with Rachel and the way things were going between them. He didn't want to ruin that.

At Rachel's skeptical look, Finn gave her a lopsided smile and squeezed her hands. "I've just been a little stressed lately. That's all, I promise." It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

Rachel raised her eyebrows. When Finn didn't divulge anything else, she simply nodded her head. Finn knew that, while Rachel had let the subject drop for now, it was sure to come up again later. He didn't know how much longer he could go without telling Rachel what was truly bothering him. He had a feeling that Rachel was going to get it out of him eventually.

Now that the moment had passed, Rachel kissed his cheek. "Why don't you go home and take a shower and then we can go out for lunch?"

"Rachel Berry, are you asking me on a date?" Finn teased. He was relieved that they had left the heavier subjects behind. He couldn't ignore them forever, but it was nice to let it go and just be with Rachel for a while.

A pretty blush colored Rachel's cheeks. "Maybe I am." They had hung out a lot together over the past week and a half since they had first kissed, but they hadn't officially gone out yet. But a nice lunch would be a good way to start.

"Then I accept. I'll pick you up in about an hour?"

Rachel kissed Finn lightly and beamed at him. "That sounds perfect."

* * *

"I'm the one who asked on the date. Let me pay."

Finn snatched the check away from Rachel before she could even reach for it. "What kind of date would I be if I didn't pay? Besides." Finn gave Rachel a teasing look. "Wouldn't it be very 'chivalrous' of me?"

Rachel giggled at Finn's play on her past words. "It would be. But it was also chivalrous of you to bring me those flowers." Rachel smiled as she remembered the beautiful bouquet of pink wildflowers that Finn had given her when he had arrived to pick her up.

"Let me be even more chivalrous." Finn tucked the money into the small folder holding the bill before he stood up and offered his hand to Rachel. She tucked her hand into his and they left the small café where they had lunch.

"So what now?" Rachel asked.

"I wasn't aware that it was my job to plan the night," Finn playfully said.

Rachel laughed and nudged him in the side. "I was simply giving you the chance to offer up your opinion. Did you want to do anything specific?"

"It's a nice day. Why don't we just walk through town for a little bit?" Finn suggested.

Rachel nodded her head in agreement, and the couple started to walk through the main streets of Lima. Even though Rachel loved New York City, she had to admit that Lima was very pretty. It was about mid-spring, so all of the trees lining the streets were in bloom and they had white lights twining through them. The weather was perfect, and the sun was shining bright above them. The tense feelings that both of them had been harboring earlier that morning were now gone, leaving Finn and Rachel to enjoy the day and the time they were spending together.

"This is nice," Rachel murmured as they walked together.

Finn looked down at her. "Yeah?"

Rachel nodded her head and wrapped both her arms around one of Finn's, leaning into him as they walked. Finn smiled and wrapped his free arm around her, pulling her even closer.

Wrapped in Finn's arms, Rachel felt at ease and safe. The longer she stayed like this, the more she was beginning to realize that this was exactly how she wanted to feel for the rest of her life.

* * *

**Author's Note: More fluffy Finchel! The next few chapters really deal with Finn and what's been going on in his life, so you'll be seeing more of that. Thank you for the amazing reviews and thanks for reading!**


	11. oh, give yourself a break

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side" by Morrissey.**

* * *

Finn stared at his television and tried not to throw his remote through the screen. The local news station had run this story every year since he had graduated from high school, so he should really expect this by now. But that didn't stop him from getting angry every time he saw it.

Even though it pissed him off, Finn forced himself to watch the report every year. He figured that it was a sort of punishment for allowing himself to be stuck in Lima. He normally let the anger consume him, but this year was different. For the first time in seven years, Finn felt as if he wanted to do something to change his situation.

Still, he couldn't help but lash a foot out at his coffee table. It connected solidly and the table was knocked over. Finn didn't bother to return it to its upright position, because then he would just be tempted to kick it over again.

Finn exhaled slowly in an effort to calm himself down before he shut the television off. He had promised to meet Rachel for lunch, and he could only hope that she hadn't bothered to watch the local news that day. He somehow knew that she hadn't, but he couldn't be too sure.

Whatever the case was, Finn knew that it was time to tell Rachel at least some of his story. It had been a month since they had started seeing each other, and Finn had put it off long enough. He trusted Rachel, so that had never been the problem. It had just been more that he had felt so ashamed of himself.

It was probably part of the reason that they hadn't taken that next step in their relationship—physically, at least. Rachel could tell that Finn was holding back. Finn hadn't pushed her for sex because he wasn't that kind of guy, but he wasn't blind; he sure as hell wanted to sleep with Rachel. She was gorgeous and he was falling hard for her, so how could he not? Finn just lived in this constant state of wondering if he was good enough.

Rachel hadn't asked any questions, but Finn knew that she wanted to. The time had come for him to tell her, and he was going to do it no matter how ashamed he was. Rachel had this way of understanding him and making him feel better, so he was just going to focus on that.

Finn's phone buzzed and he smiled when he saw that it was a text message from Rachel. They were heading to the café where they had their first lunch date, and she was just double-checking with him on the time. Honestly, Finn was looking forward to this lunch. He could let go of everything for a while and just relax.

In addition to telling Rachel his story, Kurt's visit was only a few days away. Finn was already stressed as it was, so knowing that Kurt was going to be showing up soon didn't help matters. But Finn wasn't going to think about that. He was just going to enjoy this lunch with his wonderful girlfriend. He could only tackle one problem at a time.

Finn texted Rachel back and told him that he would be on his way. Today was going to be a rough day, but he had a feeling that, somehow, it was all going to be okay.

* * *

As he always did, Finn got out of his truck and opened the door on the passenger side for Rachel. Before she climbed in, she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to Finn's. She lingered longer than she normally did (and she always lingered, so that was saying something) because she could feel some underlying tension in Finn's shoulders.

Finn gripped Rachel's hips as he returned the kiss. Just as he had suspected, he already felt so much better seeing Rachel. The smile she was wearing on her face indicated that she felt the same way. Finn bent to kiss her again, just because he could.

"Are you going to order something different this time?" Finn teased. Rachel always ordered this Mediterranean vegetable sandwich with sweet potato fries. She claimed that the fries were her favorite part, and that's why she always got the same meal. Finn, on the other hand, had tried practically everything on the menu.

Rachel laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "You never know. I might surprise you."

"I'm sure I won't be disappointed," Finn agreed. Rachel was always doing something to surprise him. Even though her first love was movies that featured musicals, she harbored a secret like for action movies. She liked to put chocolate candy in her popcorn, and when she wasn't preparing for shows, she preferred her coffee black over tea. Finn had also discovered if she had to pick between a fancy red carpet event and a night at the bar participating in a karaoke contest, she would pick the bar every time.

They sat in their regular seats at the café, and Rachel smiled when she saw the flowers in the center of the table. "Finn, these look like the flowers you got me on our first date!"

With a grin, Finn plucked on of the pink wildflowers from the small vase and reached over, tucking the flower behind her ear. "I guess they won't mind if we steal one, then."

Rachel blushed prettily as Finn's fingers caressed her cheek. She was seriously about two seconds away from ripping his clothes off and having her way with him on the table. He had never once pressured her for sex, which Rachel appreciated. But it had been nearly a month since they first kissed, and she was done waiting. She knew what she wanted, and she wanted Finn. And (not to sound conceited) she knew that Finn wanted her too.

How to tell Finn that without slapping him the face with it, however, was something that Rachel hadn't quite decided on yet.

But she was pretty much past the point of caring.

Their food was delivered, and Rachel really had changed her order up: she still had the sweet potato fries, but this time she had gotten what was basically a grilled cheese sandwich with fresh avocado slices. Finn gave her sandwich a pointed look and she playfully rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh hush," she said as she took a dainty bite of one of her fries. "Eat your sandwich."

Finn grinned and dug into his own lunch. They talked about anything and everything after that as they ate their meals. They were just finishing up when someone that Rachel didn't recognize approached the table. When she looked to Finn, it was clear that he didn't know who the guy was either.

"Hello," Rachel said politely. "What can we do for you?"

But the guy ignored her. "Damn, Finn Hudson!" he exclaimed. "I saw that news report today. That sucks, dude."

Finn's face was turning an interesting shade of red. The vein that throbbed in his jaw whenever he was angry appeared. He didn't say anything; instead, he sort of just made a noise in the back of his throat to show that he had heard the guy.

"I mean, what did you do after that?" the clearly unwanted stranger asked.

Finn was getting so angry that he actually couldn't speak anymore. Rachel knew that it was time to step in. She threw a twenty on the table to pay for lunch and then quickly stood up. Grabbing Finn's hand, she tugged him from his chair.

"I'm sorry, but we have to be going now," Rachel declared. She didn't give the other guy time to respond before she was pulling Finn from the café. Thankfully, he went without struggle. Finn still didn't say anything. He simply grabbed his keys from his pocket and walked over to his truck. He held the door open for Rachel, and she climbed in, all the while giving watching him with worried eyes.

Finn drove to his apartment. They went in and Rachel immediately noticed that Finn's coffee table was on its side. She looked at it and then turned to look at Finn. His face had returned to its normal color, but his jaw was still tense.

"Finn," Rachel said softly. She reached out and put a hand on his arm. "Talk to me."

Finn stared down at her hand on his arm before he let out a slow breath. "Do you know what that guy was talking about?"

"What?" Rachel asked. That wasn't exactly how she expected this conversation to go.

"The guy from the café. And the guy from your dad's business dinner, too. Do you know what they were talking about?"

Rachel watched Finn's face. His expression was carefully neutral, but Rachel didn't know what that could mean. "They were asking you about football, so I'm assuming they were talking about your high school football career. Other than that, I have no idea."

Finn nodded his head before he sat down at his couch. He stared at his overturned coffee table, keeping his gaze on it. "We were good. All of my friends and me, I mean. Me, Noah Puckerman, Sam Evans, Matt Rutherford, and Mike Chang. Ever since we started playing freshman year, we had won almost everything. During our junior and senior years, we won the state championship."

"I remember," Rachel said as she nodded her head. Lima was a small town that loved football, so they took pride in their high school team. It had been a big deal when they had won the championship.

"The season was over after that, but we all still worked together." Finn let out a slow, even breath. "I had a scholarship to Ohio State. Full ride and everything. We all had scholarships, actually. But it was in May when we were doing a charity series with other schools. We were raising money for summer camps."

Finn glanced at Rachel, and she reached out to take his hand in between both of hers. He managed a ghost of a smile for her before continuing his story. "It was a pretty rough game. It had rained the day before, so the field was still a little slick. In the last three minutes of the game, I got tackled."

Rachel gasped. She instinctively knew that that was bad. Something terrible had happened, and she was about to find out.

"The tackle, along with the slippery field, caused me to fall and land weirdly." Finn closed his eyes. "I tore my ACL, my MCL, and my PCL." His eyes opened again. "They were torn so bad that I needed reconstructive surgery. My knee wasn't the same after that. And I couldn't play anymore."

"Finn," Rachel breathed. She took his face in her hands and turned him towards her. She opened her mouth to say something—anything—to make Finn feel better. She just wanted to take his pain away. But Finn didn't give her the chance to.

"Now you know," he said quietly. He was speaking so lowly that Rachel almost didn't hear it, despite how close she was to him. "I couldn't play football anymore, so they took my scholarship from me. Without it, I couldn't exactly afford to go to Ohio State. By then, it was too late to apply anywhere else. So I got stuck here."

Rachel knew that it wasn't the full story, but it was all of the basics. She could see all of the shame and anger that Finn held inside. What had happened to him was beyond his control—at least, the part about his knee injury. It was clear that after Finn had gotten his scholarship taken away, he had sunk into some sort of depression.

"Finn," Rachel whispered. When he looked at her, she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. She slid her hands into his hair and pushed herself closer to his body. Finn's arms wrapped around her and he held on as if his life depended on it.

When the kiss broke, Rachel hugged him tightly. He buried his face in her neck as he tried to calm himself down. He found that it was easier to do so with Rachel's arms wrapped around him.

"It's going to be alright, Finn," Rachel soothed. "It's all going to be alright."

* * *

**Author's Note: So there's part of Finn's story. My medical knowledge is zero, so I kind of did what I could with the knee injury. Thanks for reading!  
**


	12. forever on nights like this

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This story title comes from the song "The Same Deep Water As You" by The Cure.**

* * *

Rachel rolled over onto her side and simply watched Finn as he slept. For once, his face was completely devoid of any stress or sadness. One of his arms was slung across her waist and his face was turned towards her.

After Finn's revelation, they had simply sat together until Finn had stood to make dinner. Not long after that, they watched a movie and then Rachel had wordlessly climbed into bed with Finn. He wrapped an arm around her and they fell asleep like that, taking comfort in each other's presence.

Now it was close to three o'clock in the morning and Rachel found that she was unable to fall back asleep. So she busied herself with watching Finn sleep instead. She reached out and stroked her fingers down his cheek and along the line of his jaw.

The simple, gentle touch caused Finn to wake up. His eyes slowly opened, and he gave her a sleepy smile. Rachel returned his smile before she slid closer and pressed her lips to his.

The kiss was slow and deep. Finn's arm tightened around her waist, and he suddenly rolled Rachel underneath him. She let out a gasp that quickly turned into a giggle when Finn grinned and playfully tugged at her bottom lip.

Keeping his weight distributed on his arms so as not to crush Rachel, Finn began feathering light kisses down her neck, stopping to nibble gently on her pulse point. Rachel's hands curled under his arms to rest on his back, gripping his t-shirt as a moan escaped her lips. Finn pulled back and looked down into her eyes.

They were dark with passion and lust, much as he imagined his own to be. Finn wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. Just being near Rachel set fire to his blood, and he had never wanted someone so much. "Rachel," he breathed.

Rachel pulled his head down to kiss him again. "It's okay," she whispered against his lips.

And that was all the encouragement Finn needed. His hands slipped under her tank top and Rachel lifted up so that he could pull it off. Finn's kissed her quickly before his lips continued down her neck and across her collar bone, gently nibbling and sucking. His calloused fingers played with one bra strap, and Rachel rolled her shoulder until Finn slowly pulled it down.

Finn's lips moved along the edge of her lacy bra as he repeated the action with her other bra strap. Rachel let out a breathy moan when he pushed her bra down entirely and traced his tongue around the curve of her breast.

"Finn," Rachel panted out. His touch did things to her that she had never experienced before. She writhed underneath him, already feeling as if she was going to fall apart. She let out a loud moan when Finn's lips closed around her nipple, his tongue circling it. His hand cupped her other breast, moving in circles.

Finn's mouth switched breasts and Rachel arched up as best she could, pressing her hips to Finn's. She rubbed against the hardness she could feel and Finn groaned against her chest. He suddenly moved up to kiss her again, but Rachel pushed on his chest to roll them over.

Finn looked up at her in surprise, but Rachel simply smirked. She ground her hips against him, more than ready to strip him of the boxers that separated them (not to mention her own underwear).

"I think you're still wearing too many clothes," she said.

Finn grinned and tugged off his shirt. His eyes darkened almost to the point of being black as he watched Rachel straddle him with her bra underneath her breasts. She licked her lips and reached behind her, slowly unhooking her bra and holding it out to the side.

"You are so…" Finn muttered. He trailed off, seemingly unable to finish forming his sentence because he was too entranced by Rachel.

"So what?" Rachel prompted with a swivel of her hips.

Finn let out a groan and flipped Rachel underneath him again. He kissed her hard while one of his hands balanced his weight above him. The other tugged her panties down, leaving her bare before him. When Finn pulled away, he took in the sight of her beneath him before he murmured the end of his sentence. "Beautiful. You're so beautiful."

Rachel looked up at him with wide eyes. She certainly hadn't been expecting that answer. But Finn's dark amber eyes were sincere and completely earnest as he watched her.

"Wow," she said. "I wasn't… I hadn't really…"

"What?"

"I didn't think you were going to say that."

Finn smirked. "Well, you're also very sexy, if that's what you were thinking. But you're also the most beautiful person I've ever met."

Rachel beamed and kissed him again. Her hands slid down his well-muscled back and slipped into the band of his boxers. She pushed them down before her small hand slid between their bodies and wrapped around his hard length. She marveled over how large he was, and she licked her lips again.

Finn didn't miss the action and he groaned her name before he pressed several hot, open-mouthed kisses to the column of her throat. His hips thrust into her hand as she stroked up and down. Rachel leaned up and peppered kisses across his chest.

Finn reached out a hand and fumbled through his side table until he emerged with a condom. Rachel kept kissing his jaw and his bottom lip as he put it on. Once he finally managed to finish his task, Finn gently gripped Rachel's wrists and pinned them to the bed. She giggled, and Finn honestly thought that he had never seen something more beautiful. Her lips were swollen from his kisses and her hair was mused from his fingers. Her eyes were bright and her skin had a certain glow.

Finn could feel the urge to tell Rachel that he loved her forming, but he held back. Instead, he leaned down and kissed her again, hoping to convey what he was feeling through the kiss. Rachel seemed to understand what he was trying to share, because she responded with just as much passion.

Rachel cradled Finn's hips between her legs. He reached for her hand and laced their fingers together as he slid into her. Rachel cried out, clutching her hand tightly in his as her hips rocked against his.

Finn's strokes were long and deep, making Rachel's toes curl with each one. "_Finn!_" she cried out. Her free hand clutched at his back and her legs wrapped around his waist, drawing him closer.

"Rach, baby," Finn groaned. His hands moved under her back, lifting her up but keeping her shoulders on the bed. His thrusts were growing faster, and Rachel moved in perfect time with him. She dragged his face back down to hers and kissed him before she ripped her lips away and screamed as she began to tighten around him.

"Oh, _God!_" Rachel yelled as she came. Two thrusts later and Finn was following her over the edge. He settled over her, careful not to put all of his weight on her. Finn pressed a few gentle kiss to Rachel's shoulder as they caught their breath.

"Finn," Rachel murmured once she could speak again.

Finn turned his face so that he was looking up at Rachel, and he smiled when he saw the look of amazement on her face. "What?"

"We are not waiting a month to do that again."

* * *

"Rachel, are you sure that you don't want me to do this?"

Rachel turned to look over her shoulder and made a face at Finn. "I can do it, Finn!"

Finn leaned against the counter and crossed his arms as he watched her with a grin on his face. They had spent hours in bed and slept well into the afternoon before Rachel insisted that they needed breakfast. She was currently dressed in only his t-shirt, which was making Finn focus on her more than the breakfast.

Although the fact that Rachel wasn't doing a stellar job of cooking was distracting him.

"I seem to remember a conversation where you told me that you couldn't cook," Finn teased.

This time, Rachel didn't even turn to acknowledge his comment. "I'm pretty sure that I can cook some eggs and fry up some bacon, Finn."

"Oh really?" Finn pointed to the skillet with the aforementioned bacon. "I'm pretty sure that bacon is burning."

"What?" Rachel immediately peered into the pan. She had been focusing on the eggs she had been scrambling, and she had accidentally forgotten about the bacon. To her relief, however, only two pieces were burnt. She quickly tossed them away before turning back towards Finn with a smug look on her face. "There. Problem solved."

"Are you sure you don't want me to help?" Finn asked, amused. He knew that she could do it but he couldn't resist teasing her.

"I can handle this," Rachel assured her boyfriend with a smile. Finn nodded his head and stepped back to allow Rachel to finish. It was obvious that this was important to Rachel. And she wanted to do this for him, because Finn was always cooking for her.

Eventually, Rachel had deemed the meal acceptable to eat. She slid the bacon along with the eggs and a slice of toast on a plate for Finn. For herself, Rachel had a slice of toast and some fresh fruit and yogurt.

Rachel put the plate on the kitchen counter and watched as Finn dug into his breakfast. "What's the verdict, Chef Finn?" Rachel asked playfully.

Finn chewed on the bacon and pretended to think about it. When Rachel poked him impatiently, he laughed and said, "It tastes great, Rach. You worry too much."

Rachel blushed and shrugged her shoulders. Finn let out a chuckle and kissed her temple before he turned back to his food. They finished their breakfast and then Rachel walked around the counter to wrap her arms around his waist.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asked.

Finn raised an eyebrow. "How are _you_ feeling?"

Rachel didn't look him in the eye. When she wasn't thinking about what was going on in her family, she felt okay. But she knew that Finn was asking about how she felt what was happening with her father.

"We're not talking about me," Rachel said instead. "I asked you first."

Finn sighed. "Rach…"

"Look, Finn." Rachel reached up with one hand and turned his face towards her. "You don't know how much it means to me that you opened up to me last night. I want that to happen still. I want to know that you're okay."

Finn slid one had into Rachel's hair. His palm was so big that he could stroke her cheek with his thumb at the same time. "Rachel, can I let you in on a secret?"

"Of course you can."

Finn kissed her forehead softly. "I haven't felt this good in a very long time. And it's all because of you."

Rachel stared up at Finn with wide eyes. She gripped his shirt in her fists as she tried to find her voice. Suddenly, the words she was thinking spilled from her lips without warning.

"I think I love you."

Finn stared down at Rachel with surprise written clear across his face. After a moment, his lips spread into a grin that even lit his amber eyes. He leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to Rachel's lips.

"I think I love you too, Rachel Berry."

Rachel beamed and threw her arms around Finn with a joyous laugh. She jumped up, wrapping her arms and legs around him. Finn began to laugh as well as he caught her and set her on the kitchen counter. His fingers tangled in her hair as he kissed her deeply.

For a brief moment, there was no darkness in their lives. There was only Finn and Rachel and their love for one another. They didn't know what was going to happen in the future or how they were going to make it through it. But what Finn and Rachel did know was that they had each other. And that was more than enough.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading. :) Please let me know what you thought!**


	13. it's you that i find

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "The Tide that Left and Never Came Back" by The Veils.**

* * *

"Mom!" Finn shut the door of the Hudson-Hummel house behind him as he tried to juggle several paper bags holding groceries. She had asked him to stop at the store and pick up a few things for him. It kind of seemed like his mother was getting ready to throw a party, with everything he had gotten for her. "Mom, I'm going to put this stuff in the kitchen!"

As Finn made his way through the house, he still didn't hear a response from Carole. "Mom?" Still hearing nothing, Finn walked into the kitchen and set his bags on the counter. Deciding to get a cup of coffee while he was waiting, Finn turned to grab a mug from the cabinets. When he saw who was sitting at the kitchen table, however, he abruptly stopped.

There was his stepbrother—the one he hadn't seen for five years.

"Hello, Finn," Kurt said carefully.

Finn stared at Kurt for a long moment before he pushed away from the counter and immediately made his way from the house. On his way through the living room, Carole came down the stairs in an effort to corner her son.

"Finn, stop!" Carole called after him.

"No, Mom!" Finn yelled as he whipped around to face her. "I told you that I didn't want to be here when he showed up. I know you called on purpose to get me to drop this stuff off." Finn couldn't believe that he had fallen for that. "I'm leaving. Bye."

He slammed the door behind him when he left. Finn knew that the way that he was acting was beyond childish—well, he knew that logically. Still, family was supposed to support each other and be there for no matter what. And Kurt had done the exact opposite of that.

As Finn was making his way back towards his car, he caught sight of his girlfriend going up the front walk. Finn immediately stopped and backtracked towards Rachel, catching her by the wrist.

"Rachel, what are you doing here?" he asked.

She smiled brightly. "Hi, Finn!" Rachel greeted cheerfully. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips.

Finn didn't bother to return the greeting. He was still too angry. "What are you doing here?" he repeated.

Rachel immediately caught on to Finn's anger. She reached up and put a hand on his cheek, turning his face towards hers. "Finn, what's going on?" Finn didn't answer, and Rachel sighed. He was obviously waiting for her to answer his question first. Looking down, Rachel admitted, "Your mom called me and asked me to come over. She said that she was making lunch for us…" Rachel trailed off when the expression on Finn's face went from tense to downright furious. "Maybe I should have called you first."

Finn shook his head and scrubbed his hand over his face. "It's not your fault," he gritted out. "I can't believe my mom would do something like that."

"Finn, will you please tell me what's going on?" Rachel asked. She put both her hands on either side of his face and turned it towards her. She didn't think she had ever seen him this angry before. "Please. Talk to me."

A vein was throbbing in Finn's jaw as he looked down at her. Rachel smoothed it over with her thumb, and relief filled her when his shoulders relaxed slightly. His hands fell to Rachel's hips and he pulled her closer.

"My stepbrother is in the house," Finn admitted quietly.

Rachel waited for him to explain further, but he didn't. Instead, his hands just tightened on her hips. Obviously, something had happened between Kurt and Finn years ago. Rachel hadn't known Kurt well enough in high school to find out, and Finn was so closed off about it.

"Finn…" Rachel began, but she trailed off because she didn't exactly know what to say.

Finn looked down at the ground. "I don't want to talk about it," he muttered. Rachel bit her lip, and Finn brought one hand up to her cheek and finally looked into her eyes. "Right now," he added.

It was another moment before Rachel smiled at him and stood on her tiptoes. She pressed a soft kiss to his jaw and then his cheek, feeling him relax slightly. She pulled back to look at him before she pressed her lips to his.

Finn wrapped his arms around Rachel and pulled her flush against him as he tilted her head to deepen the kiss. Rachel couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips, and she strained up on her tiptoes. Rachel loved the way Finn touched her and made her feel. Standing there with him, she knew in her heart that she would never get tired of it.

But it also suddenly occurred to her that they were standing in Finn's parents' yard. This whole exchange had happened right there. When the kiss ended, Rachel pressed her lips lightly to Finn's again and then hugged him.

Looking over Finn's shoulder, Rachel could see both Carole and Kurt watching them. She knew that they had seen everything that had just transpired. Carole had her hand pressed to her mouth and she looked like she was about to cry. Kurt, for his part, was just watching Finn and Rachel with an unreadable expression on his face. When he saw Rachel looking at him, he waved a little.

Rachel pulled back and reached for Finn's hand. "Come on," she said. "Let's go somewhere."

"And do what?" Finn asked.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really know. Something. Anything."

Finn finally gave her a real smile. Rachel knew exactly what he needed right now. He kissed Rachel again and squeezed her hand as they made their way over to his truck. Finn felt like his life was spiraling out of control right now, but Rachel was his rock. And Rachel felt the exact same way about him.

* * *

Rachel hadn't really wanted to leave Finn while he was still upset, but he had to go to his job at McLaren's. He had insisted that he was fine, but Rachel wasn't entirely sure if she believed him.

Earlier that day, they had driven to the next town over and found a mini-golf course. It appeared that Finn's natural athletic ability extended to mini-golf as well. Rachel, with her desire to excel at everything, was disappointed when she discovered that mini-golf wasn't her thing. Finn, on the other hand, had a blast teaching her. Finn's good mood led to Rachel having just as much fun as him.

When they had to go back to Lima, however, Finn's mood had steadily darkened. Rachel had simply held his hand on the way back and kissed him when she said goodbye. He promised to call when he was finished his shift and that was that.

Rachel found herself at the park by her house, the same one that she and Finn had gone to when he had visited her papa with her. She sat on the swing and thought about Finn's family and how broken they were. It made her think about her own family and how they weren't broken at all. Even with everything that was happening to them, she still had a wonderful relationship with both of her fathers.

Sitting on that swing in the park, Rachel realized that she need to take the time that she had with her papa and enjoy it to the fullest. It was going to hurt like hell, and it wasn't going to be okay, but she needed accept what Leroy had accepted and be there with him. She couldn't imagine not speaking to him, so she needed to take the time with him while she still could.

Rachel was pulled from her musings when she heard someone else approaching the swing set. Turning to look over her shoulder, she saw that it was Kurt Hummel. To her surprise, he sat on the swing next to her.

"Rachel Berry," he greeted. "Star of Broadway."

Rachel smiled at him. "Kurt Hummel. Intrepid celebrity and fashion reporter."

He chuckled. "We've done pretty well for ourselves, haven't we?"

"I suppose we have."

They both sat in silence on their swings for several long moments before Kurt spoke again. "So. You're with my brother."

Rachel nodded her head. "I am." She couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips. Being with Finn made her happy. Knowing that they were together gave her such a sense of peace and love.

"Has he…" Kurt sighed. "Has he told you about what happened?"

Rachel glanced at Kurt. "He told me about what happened to his knee and about how he lost his scholarship," Rachel explained. Just thinking about what Finn had been through made Rachel's heart clench in pain for him. "But as for what happened between the two of you, he hasn't said much."

"Oh. Well that will be his story to tell you, then. I don't need to give Finn another reason to get angry with me."

Rachel shook her head. "I don't understand," she said. "The two of you are brothers. I remember in high school how Finn was always looking out for you and making sure that no one bullied you. What happened?"

Kurt's face was troubled. "I said and did some things that I'm not very proud of," he admitted. "Things that Finn will probably never and should never forgive me for. I wasn't a very good brother to him when he needed me to be."

"And now?" Rachel prompted. Kurt was just as bothered by what had happened years ago as Finn was. It was clear that he regretted whatever fight had happened between them. Rachel could guess that he was here to attempt to fix things.

"Now I want to make things right," Kurt said firmly. "I was on my laptop, and someone said something stupid about Finn's injury on Facebook. And I just knew that I had let this go on for too long. I was the one who said the stupid things. I have to try and make it right."

"That's very big of you, Kurt," Rachel said. "But it will be hard."

"I know." Kurt sighed. "Finn hates being vulnerable. He's always been good with people and getting them to open up, but he's not so good at asking for help and talking himself."

Rachel nodded her head. She could see that that's how Finn was. He had been so good with her and her family, but he needed to talk about his own problems as well. Kurt was right. Finn hated to be vulnerable.

Rachel stood up. "Whatever ends up happening, I think that Finn will forgive you. It's just going to take some time."

"Thank you, Rachel," Kurt said softly. "I think you're good for my brother."

Rachel smiled. "You have no idea how good he's been for me."

* * *

Rachel was surprised when she heard a knock on the door at two o'clock in the morning. Her daddy had just gone on a business trip, so she had the house to herself. Yawning, Rachel pulled herself out of bed and went to answer the door.

She wasn't as surprised to find Finn on the other side. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and he gave her a sheepish smile and a shrug of his shoulders.

"I didn't want to be alone tonight," Finn admitted quietly.

Rachel's heart swelled for him, and she immediately pulled him into the house. Wrapping her arms around him, she rested her head against his chest. "You'll never have to be alone again, you know."

Finn hugged her tighter in response before he slid two fingers under her chin and tilted her head up. There were so many emotions swirling in his amber eyes, but Rachel didn't get a chance to decipher them all before his lips came down over hers.

Rachel returned Finn's insistent kiss with just as much passion. He lifted her up into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing herself as close to his body as she could.

Finn carried Rachel up to her room, and they loved each other well into the night. When they were finished, Rachel collapsed on Finn's chest and rested her head over his heart. His fingers traced patterns up and down her back, and she smiled.

"I love you," she whispered.

Finn smiled. "I love you too."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for the amazing response last chapter. :)**


	14. hopes that reach the sky

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "The Search for Something More" by Antifreeze.**

* * *

Rachel slowly woke when she felt soft, lingering kisses being placed against her neck. She smiled and pressed her body further back into Finn's as a way to show him that she was awake. She felt him grin against her neck and run a hand down her side.

"I love you," he murmured.

Rachel rolled over in Finn's arms to face him. "I love you too," she said. Scooting forward, she pressed her lips to Finn's and hooked her leg over his hip. When they broke apart, Rachel noticed the slight furrow to Finn's brow. Reaching out, she pressed her thumb against it.

"Finn…"

He sighed. "I just don't know what to do."

She correctly assumed that he was talking about his stepbrother and his family. "Can I make a suggestion?"

"Of course."

Rachel bit her lip before speaking. "Maybe you could try just talking to them first." Finn sucked in a tense breath in response. "Or… not," Rachel amended.

"No," Finn said after a long moment. "It's a good idea, Rachel." He gave her a small smile and kissed her gently. "I just don't know if I'm ready for it yet."

Rachel nodded her head and snuggled into his chest, closing her eyes. "Can we just stay here for a little while longer? And then maybe you can make us breakfast."

That got Finn to laugh. "I can make breakfast?"

"Well, you are the masterful chef in this relationship. I have to put you to work somehow, don't I?"

"Speaking of being a masterful chef, I have a meeting with the kitchen staff at about three o'clock. We're completely revamping the menu," Finn said as he pulled Rachel closer. "But I can spare a few hours for my girlfriend."

"You better," Rachel teased.

Finn smiled at her in return. "What do you plan on doing today?"

Rachel glanced down and toyed with the edge of the sheet that was haphazardly draped over their entwined bodies. "I was thinking about visiting my papa today."

"Really?" Finn looked down at Rachel in surprise. When Rachel nodded her head, Finn dropped a kiss to her shoulder. "Tell me what I can do."

Rachel's lips spread into a smile. "You're already doing it. As for visiting my father… I think that I really need to do this on my own. I need to face this and make the most of what time we have left."

"You're so brave," Finn murmured as he played with a loose strand of her hair.

"I don't feel brave," Rachel admitted quietly. She was just dealing with this one day at a time. It was one of the hardest things she has ever had to do, but she was trying. She was so very lucky that she had a great support system in the people around her.

"But you are," Finn told her. "You're the bravest person I know."

* * *

Rachel knocked on the door, but then she realized that her father told her not to do it. So she stopped and pushed the door open, smiling when she saw him propped up against the pillows, watching his favorite movie.

"Papa, how many times have you seen _Star Wars_?" she asked.

Leroy turned to look at his new visitor. He grinned when he saw that it was his daughter and gestured to the chair next to his bed. "Rachela! It's so good to see you! And there's no such thing as watching _Star Wars_ too many times."

"I think so," Rachel said as she took her seat.

"I've watched _Star Wars_ almost as much as you've watched _Funny Girl_," Leroy pointed out. "So I'd say that we're pretty even."

Rachel laughed. She couldn't help herself. Leroy had actually been the one to introduce Rachel to _Funny Girl_. Ever since then, she had wanted to be a Broadway star. It was a love that she and Leroy had shared since before she could talk. "Since I'm sitting here watching this movie with you, I'm going to have to bring _Funny Girl_ over. And I'll even sing to it."

Leroy looked at her in surprise. "You'll watch _Star Wars_ with me?"

"If you don't mind."

"And you'll sing when we watch _Funny Girl_?"

"Only if you sing along with me."

Leroy grinned. "It's a plan, then."

Neither one spoke about how Rachel had suddenly showed up on her own for a visit. Like every parent, Leroy knew what Rachel was thinking without her having to say anything. He knew how difficult this was for her, but he had also known that she was going to come around eventually. He had helped raised Rachel into the woman she was today, so he knew her.

They watched _Star Wars_ and Rachel went down to the cafeteria to get lunch. She brought it up to eat with her father, as he was having some soup. They watched some movie with vampires in it that Leroy loved but Rachel didn't know anything about.

"Papa, this is ridiculous!" Rachel exclaimed about half way through.

Leroy pointed his spoon at the screen. "This is one of the older vampire movies—one of the better ones. It's not like some of that new crap where the vampires are the good guys. This is the real stuff."

"Whatever you say," Rachel said with a laugh. When Leroy turned back to the movie, Rachel dug around in her purse and checked her phone. She smiled when she saw a message from Finn that detailed how well the menu revamp had gone. She sent him a quick text in return (that also invited him over to her house later) and dropped her phone back in her bag.

Leroy hadn't been as distracted as Rachel had thought. He had seen her smiling at her phone and sent her a knowing look. "Is that a text from Mr. Hudson?"

Rachel's cheeks turned pink. "Maybe," she said.

"Rachel, you can't lie to me. Your daddy has told me all about your romance with Finn Hudson."

Rachel gasped and gave her father an affronted look. "It's more than just a romance!"

"Ha, I knew it!" Leroy pointed a finger at Rachel. "You love him, don't you?"

"If you must know, Finn and I have recently shared that we love each other. I'm surprised that Daddy hasn't told you, given that he likes to pop up and surprise us every chance that he gets."

Leroy laughed. "You know that your daddy just means well, princess. He wants to make sure that you're happy. And you really are."

Rachel beamed, and it made Leroy fell at peace to know that his little girl was so happy. It made him feel better to know that Rachel had such a wonderful people to lean on. Leroy didn't worry about her so much when he could see that she had people like Finn Hudson in her life.

"I am," Rachel said. "Papa, I love him so much that I don't even know what to do with myself."

"That's not a bad thing, you know," Leroy pointed out. "Loving someone that much is special, Rachel. It's a beautiful thing and you need to never let that go."

Rachel smiled. "I don't plan on it," she told him. "Finn makes me feel things that I've never felt before and I know that I'll only ever feel them with him. He's special, Papa. I just know it."

"He's good for you," Leroy stated. "And you want to know something else? I think you're good for him, too. Your daddy and I have seen him around town, and we all know how sad he's been. The two of you have something amazing."

"We really do," Rachel agreed. She looked at the clock and saw that visiting hours were just about over. So she stood and reached for her purse before she leaned over and hugged Leroy. She kissed him on the cheek and made sure that he had everything he needed.

"I'll bring Daddy by next time, Papa," Rachel said.

"Bring Finn Hudson, too!" Leroy called after his daughter's retreating figure. "I have some things that I want to say to him!"

That made Rachel stop in her tracks. "Papa, don't you dare!" she exclaimed as she thrust an accusing finger in his direction. "Finn and I are very happy together and you don't need to do anything to scare him away!"

Leroy rolled his eyes at his daughter's dramatics. "I'm not going to scare him away, Rachel. And I doubt that I could do that anyway. Just let me have this moment, okay?"

Rachel sighed. "Fine. But am I at least allowed to warn him?"

"No. That would take all of the fun out of it!"

* * *

Finn sighed and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. He was currently sitting in his truck across the street from his parents' house. He'd been in the truck for the past half an hour, just looking at the front door and wondering if he could force himself to go in.

Rachel, as she had been doing since she had returned to Lima, had inspired him to try and at least be in the same room as his stepbrother without leaving. Once he had arrived at the Hudson-Hummel house, however, he had found that it was easier said than done.

Finn wanted things to be okay. He wanted to be able to move on from the pain of his past and be better. But sometimes, it all just hurt too much. The lost dreams, the lack of faith that people in his family had in him… It all just got too be too much sometimes. He had buried himself in his work at the bar and had just lived a life like that since then.

It had been easy to live a life of routine: controlled nights at the bar, doing things that he had discovered he was actually kind of good at all on his own. Cooking, managing the bar—those were things that he found he actually excelled at. It felt good knowing that he was more than just a football player.

But then he had found himself stuck in Lima. He hadn't intended for that to happen, but it did. For the first time in nearly seven years, Finn felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. But the time of year and having Kurt return brought all of the old demons up once again.

Suddenly, Finn's passenger door opened and Burt climbed in. Finn honestly wasn't that surprised; he had been expecting Burt to come and talk to him at some point. Even so, Finn couldn't think of anything to say. He just stared at his steering wheel and kept his hands wrapped around it.

"I'm not here to try and talk you into coming inside," Burt said after a long moment. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

Finn finally glanced at his stepfather. "Most of the time," he admitted. "But sometimes…"

"I know." Burt nodded his head. "When bad things happen, sometimes the darkness can get to be a lot. But then you find that ray of light…" Burt nudged Finn and smiled, and the younger man smiled in return. "After my wife died, Kurt was my ray of light. And then I met your mom, and you and she became a ray of light, too. Something tells me that Rachel is that person for you."

"She is," Finn said. "She really is."

Burt clapped him on the shoulder. "Take your time, Finn. It's not like Kurt is leaving right away. The two of you have a lot to work through and I doubt that it will get fixed in one trip. But the important thing is that both of you are thinking about trying, and that's more than either of you have done in the past five years."

"It shouldn't be this hard, though. You know? Kurt is supposed to be my brother." Finn dragged a hand through his hair. "We're supposed to be brothers. And you're his father."

"I'm here for you too, you know," Burt pointed out. "I'd never try and replace your father; you know that. But I'm a father-like figure, I suppose. I'm here for you just as much as I'm here for Kurt. We're a family."

Finn finally relaxed enough to smile. "Thanks, Burt."

Burt smiled before he made to get out of the car. "It's going to take time," he repeated. "You've just got to work at it."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! :)**


	15. is there time

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "The Shade of Poison Trees" by Dashboard Confessional.**

* * *

The next few days that passed were wonderful. Rachel and Hiram visited Leroy whenever they could. Finn even tagged along for a visit, and Leroy got a kick out of basically interrogating him. Finn was a good sport about it and answered all of the questions without complaint.

Hiram and Rachel were going for another visit today. Hiram was leaving for another two-day business trip, so they wanted to see Leroy together before then. "They really let him walk around?" Rachel asked. When they had arrived at the hospital, they had discovered that Leroy wasn't in his room. His nurse had reported that he was out in the garden to enjoy the nice weather.

"He's not an invalid, Rachel," Hiram pointed out. "He can walk around as long as he doesn't get too tired and stay out for too long."

Rachel nodded her head as they made their way out into the garden. Since it was such a nice day, Rachel and Hiram had decided to join Leroy out there. The garden on the side of Lima Memorial Hospital was large and beautiful and had been set up by various donations years ago. It was taking them a bit of time to find Leroy through all of the twisting paths.

"You don't know how much this means to your papa, Rachel," Hiram said as they walked. "He's so happy that you've decided to start visiting him more regularly."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I hadn't meant to be so closed off before, Daddy. It was just… hard."

Hiram wrapped an arm around Rachel's shoulders and hugged her. "I know, princess," he said. "But this is—" He stopped abruptly as he spotted something in the path. He grabbed Rachel and quickly turned her, pushing her in the opposite direction. "Rachel, go get a nurse. Someone needs help."

Rachel wanted to stop and ask questions, but there was a note of urgency in her father's voice that she couldn't ignore. So she took off right away and managed to find several nurses close by. When she got back to her daddy, however, she saw a sight that made her heart stop.

There was her papa, passed out on the ground.

Now he was surrounded by nurses and doctors and someone brought a stretcher out to bring him back into the hospital. Rachel felt like things were falling apart and she couldn't do anything about it. But she forced herself to push the need to run away to the back of her mind and went to stand by her daddy's side.

Tears burned in her eyes and her throat tightened. She swallowed hard and blinked, keeping them at bay. "Daddy?" Rachel said softly.

Hiram turned to look at his daughter. The look of pain on his face was so heartbreaking that Rachel could only hug him tightly. This was it. This was the time where she had to be strong for her family, because no one else could.

* * *

Finn slammed the door to his truck in his hurry to get out of it. He jogged up the walkway to the Berry house and knocked on the door, impatiently waiting for it to open. As soon as he saw Rachel appear, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he murmured as he smoothed her hair back. Rachel had sent him a brief text message detailing what happened (because she would have lost it if she had called him), and Finn had immediately dropped everything to be there with her.

Rachel closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest, winding her arms around his middle. She sighed and just reveled in the feeling of being in his arms. Despite it all, she felt better wrapped in Finn's embrace.

Finn pulled back and cupped Rachel's cheek, stroking his thumb against her soft skin. "How are you doing?" he asked.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders but her face remained carefully blank. Finn frowned in concern and wrapped an arm around Rachel, guiding her back into the house. They took a seat on the couch and Rachel settled in Finn's arms, clutching his shirt tightly in her small hand. He was keeping her grounded. Finn was solid and warm and there and she just wanted to be with him.

"Rachel, will you talk to me?" Finn asked gently. He couldn't stand to see her like this. It would have been so hard to see her crying and hurt, but this was almost worse. She was completely closed off, and Finn knew that this wasn't good for her.

Rachel didn't open her eyes. "Oh, like you talk to me?" she retorted in a flat voice.

Finn barely restrained his wince, but he managed. She was right. She was upset and she was hurt so she lashed out because she didn't know what to do. "I deserve that," Finn said. "I do. But can you just let me be here for you right now?"

Rachel sighed and pressed her face into Finn's chest. "I'm sorry," She mumbled into his shirt. He soothingly combed her hair back and Rachel let that feeling of calmness and safety wash over her before she looked up at him. She felt so horrible for snapping at him like that, but she just didn't know what to do. "I'm so sorry. And you're doing exactly what I need right now, Finn. You're just…" Rachel couldn't seem to find the words she needed to tell Finn how much this meant to her. So she settled for the three words that seemed to cover it. "I love you."

Finn smiled at Rachel and kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Rachel. You know…" He slipped his fingers under her chin and tilted her face up so that he could fully see her. "It's okay if you want to let go. If you want to cry or yell or scream… it doesn't matter. I'll be here, and I'll listen and hold you and do whatever you need me to do."

Rachel nodded her head once but didn't say anything. She wrapped her arms around Finn tightly and buried her face in his chest once again. She didn't cry, she didn't yell… she didn't really do anything. Finn kissed the top of her head and smoothed his hand up and down her back.

Despite what Rachel thought, she couldn't stay this stoic forever. Sooner or later, she would break down. And Finn would be there for her when that happened. He had his moment after his injury—that time when he tried to hold everything in when it suddenly all became too much. Finn had pretty much been alone when that had happened, but he didn't want that for Rachel.

It was then that he noticed how Rachel's breathing had evened out. Tucking her hair away from her face, Finn saw that she had fallen asleep. Her face had finally relaxed, leaving her looking serene. Finn could only hope that she was finding peace in her slumber.

* * *

When Rachel woke up, she found that she was in her bed. Finn's warm, strong body was stretched out next to her. She curled further into his side, draping her leg over his to make sure that she was as close to him as possible.

When Finn had taken her up to bed, he had lay down next to Rachel and fallen asleep with her in his arms. Feeling Rachel move closer to him, Finn woke up. He pulled her closer as his eyes opened. Rachel gave him a hesitant smile and he returned it, rubbing a gentle hand over her back. She reached up and kissed him gently.

"Thank you for putting up with me earlier," Rachel murmured. "I wasn't exactly in the best of moods."

"That's understandable," Finn said. "Don't apologize, Rachel. I may not completely understand what you're going through right now, but I'm here for you."

Rachel gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Finn."

"What for?"

"For being here."

Finn kissed Rachel again, lingering against her lips. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers and brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "There's isn't any other place that I'd want to be, Rach."

"Really?" Rachel asked in a small voice. Truth be told, this wasn't exactly how she imagined getting into a deep, serious relationship with Finn. They were still in that part of the relationship where things were supposed to be light and happy, and Rachel wanted to give that to Finn. She just didn't know if she had it in her at the moment. "There's just so much going on and you don't deserve to be saddled with that…"

"Rachel." Finn cut her off with another kiss. "I love you. So I'm here for you and whatever you need. Don't think that you're piling all of your problems on me, because you're not." Rachel had dealt with Finn and his issues. She didn't even know about all of them yet, and she was still there for him and whatever he needed. Of course Finn was going to do the same for her.

Suddenly, Rachel shifted so that she was now on top of Finn, resting comfortably against his chest. Finn's hands fell to her hips, holding her against him as he looked up at her. Rachel smiled at Finn before she pressed her lips to his in a deep, passionate kiss.

When they broke apart, they were both breathing heavily. "I want to do something fun," Rachel suddenly said.

Finn was still dazed from the intense kisses they had shared. "What?" he asked as he tried to get his bearings once again.

Rachel giggled. "Something fun," she repeated. "I just want to get out of here and forget about everything for a little while. Can we do that?"

Finn couldn't deny Rachel anything, especially this. "Of course we can. Whatever you want."

"We'll do it tomorrow," Rachel declared firmly. "But for now…" She trailed off and gave him a sultry grin as she sat up, slowly rolling her hips into his.

Finn smirked at Rachel and slipped his hands under her shirt. "There are definitely some fun things that we can do."

* * *

Finn took a deep breath before he made his way into the Hudson-Hummel house. It didn't take him very long to find the person he was looking for; Kurt was sitting at the dining room table, typing away at his laptop. When he looked up and saw Finn, his mouth dropped open in surprise.

Finn didn't say anything right away, and it took Kurt a few moments to recover. "Finn," he finally managed. "Hello. Uh… How are you?"

"Fine," Finn stated. He tried to force himself not to be so tense. He uncrossed his arms, not having realized that he had tucked them around his body in the first place. But even though Finn's hands were resting at his sides, he couldn't stop himself from balling them into fists.

Kurt nodded his head. "And how's Rachel?" He was desperately trying to find some type of small talk, but it wasn't really working because of the elephant in the room.

"She's fine," Finn answered. The mere mention of Rachel's name had him relaxing a little, and Finn took a moment to marvel over the effect that they had on one another. Finn had noticed that Rachel did the same thing whenever his name was mentioned; she would relax as well and smile. Their connection was truly beautiful.

Finn was pulled from his thoughts when Kurt spoke again. "So you and Rachel Berry, huh?" he asked. He gave his brother a small smile. "Whoever would have thought that that would happen?"

For some reason, Kurt's words really got to Finn. The vein in his jaw started throbbing and he stood to his full height. "What is that supposed to mean?" Finn demanded.

"I just—" But Finn didn't give Kurt the chance to explain.

"Oh, let me guess. Someone like me could never end up with a Broadway star like Rachel. That's what you were thinking, wasn't it? Rachel wouldn't give some _Lima loser_ like me the time of day."

Kurt's lips pressed into a thin line. "I wasn't going to say that," he said in as calm a voice as he could muster.

Finn snorted. "I guess this Lima loser wouldn't know any better."

"Would you stop that?" Kurt snapped. "Stop calling yourself that."

"Why?" Finn seethed. He glared at his brother until Kurt shrank back. "You had no problem calling me that in the past."

Kurt was suddenly very quiet. "I didn't… I didn't mean it."

"Could have fooled me." And with that, Finn left the house once again. He had been hoping to make some sort of progress with Kurt and at least talk with him. He hadn't exactly succeeded, given that they had almost gotten into another fight, but at least Finn hadn't kicked anything over this time.

Still, Finn knew that he had to try once again. But sometimes he wondered if the pain of what the two brothers had said to each other five years ago would ever go away.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading!**


	16. take what you need from me now

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "Stay With You" by the Goo Goo Dolls.**

* * *

Rachel slid into her boyfriend's truck and reached across the console to press her lips to his. Her fingers stroked his cheek soothingly as she pulled away.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Finn took a deep breath. He looked like he was about to brush his problems off, but he stopped himself just in time. "I had an argument with Kurt," he admitted quietly. He gave her a sheepish smile. "I kind of need to do something fun, too."

Rachel kissed Finn again. "Then we won't talk about it," she declared. "Let's just get out of here."

"Where to?" Finn asked as he started his truck.

Rachel produced a GPS from her purse. She punched an address in and mounted it on the dashboard of Finn's truck. "Just follow the directions from that," she said.

"Oh, so it's a surprise?"

"This is supposed to be fun, remember?"

Finn chuckled. "You're lucky I love you," he said as he began to drive. He knew that Rachel wouldn't have picked a place to take them that he wouldn't enjoy. He would go along with her plan now because it would make her happy.

Rachel beamed and settled back in her seat. Hearing Finn say those words made indescribable feelings course through her. She slid her hand over his thigh and squeezed. Finn glanced over at her as he drove, giving her that wonderful half smile.

"Do I get some sort of hint?" Finn asked after about two hours of driving.

Rachel gave him a playful look. "Does it mean anything if I promise that you'll like it?"

"Honestly, that only makes me want to know even more. So can you tell me?"

"Luckily for you, we're almost there," Rachel said. She pointed to the left, and Finn glanced in the direction her finger was going. His eyes lit up when caught sight of the large amusement park just over the ridge.

"Rachel, this is awesome!" Finn exclaimed. It wasn't long before they were pulling into the parking lot. As soon as Finn put his truck in park, he reached over and hauled Rachel against him. His mouth covered hers in a deep and passionate kiss.

"I love you so much," Finn declared once their broke apart.

Rachel was breathless. "I love you too, Finn," she said. She kissed him quickly before she unbuckled her seatbelt. She and Finn climbed out of the truck and quickly bought their tickets for access into the amusement park.

"Where to first?" Rachel asked.

Finn shrugged his shoulders. "It doesn't really matter to me. We can start anywhere. Why don't you pick?"

"Well…" Rachel blushed. "I was hoping that you could decide. You see, I've never been to an amusement park before."

Finn could only blink at Rachel in surprise for several long moments. "You've never been to an amusement park?" he repeated.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I was a very dedicated child. I focused more on getting my work done and achieving my goals. Although, I do wish that I would have set time aside for things like this." Rachel stared wistfully at the kids talking excitedly about what rides they would go on. "I think I missed out."

Finn took Rachel's hand. "Rachel Berry, we are going to have a great time today," Finn declared. And with that they were off. Finn quickly took Rachel to the nearest ride (which happened to be the Italian swings) and ushered her on.

They went non-stop after that. Rachel adored every ride they went on, and Finn was having just as much fun as her. It was nice to let go for the day and just have a good time. They didn't have to worry about anything; Finn and Rachel could simply enjoy each other's presence.

The sun was setting by the time they finally decided to go on one more ride before calling it a day. Finn suggested the Ferris wheel, and Rachel eagerly agreed. It had been years since she'd been on one, and she knew the view from the top would be beautiful.

Rachel and Finn sat in the little seat and let the worker strap the safety bar across their laps. Finn wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, but he remained strangely quiet as the ride began.

"Finn? Is everything alright?" Rachel questioned as she looked up at him.

Finn looked out over the amusement park as he let out a quiet sigh. After a long moment, he said, "Kurt and I got into a huge fight right before he left for California. It was about a week after he graduated."

Rachel watched Finn with wide eyes. He was finally telling her what happened between him and Kurt. He was really opening up to her. She reached for his free hand and held it between both of hers as he continued his story.

"It had been two years since my injury. I was still in physical therapy for my knee, and I was working at Burt's auto shop. I'm kind of glad you didn't know me then, Rach."

"Why?" Rachel whispered. Honestly, she regretted the time that had past where she didn't know Finn. She didn't think anyone else had ever made her happier.

Finn shrugged his shoulders. "I was a pretty angry guy back then. I was angry at Ohio State, I was angry at how I got my injury, I was upset with my friends for moving on with their lives while I was still stuck in Lima… I was pretty much just angry with the world. And I was more pissed at myself than anything else. It had been two years and I hadn't done anything to try and change my life. It was pretty depressing, so I just let it go on."

"Finn…" Rachel squeezed his hand in a show of support, and he gave her a small smile.

"Anyway, I was helping Kurt pack everything into his car when he suddenly stopped and turned towards me. I didn't think I had ever seen him so angry before."

"What did he say?"

Finn sighed heavily. "He said some things that I really didn't want to hear."

_"Kurt?" Finn gave his brother a confused look. "Why did you stop packing? I thought you were in some big hurry to get out of here." Finn couldn't help the slight note of bitterness that tinged his voice. He wanted to leave Lima, but he didn't have anywhere to go._

_ Kurt stared at Finn for a long moment. "What are you doing?" he finally demanded._

_ Finn's eyebrows shot up. "I'm helping you pack. All you've done for the past two or three days is whine about how you didn't know how you were going to load up all your crap by yourself."_

_ "That's not what I meant, Finn," Kurt said as he shook his head. "I meant, what are you doing with your life?"_

_ Finn's stomach dropped. This conversation wasn't one that he wanted to have. He looked away from Kurt and lifted another bag into the car. "I don't know what you're talking about."_

_ "I think you do. It's been two years since you graduated from high school, and you've done nothing but work at my father's auto shop. I thought you always said that you didn't want to stay there."_

_ "It's not like I've had a lot of other options, Kurt," Finn said, his voice tense. Everyone knew that the topic of his injury and the events that followed were very touchy with him. People hardly brought it up anymore._

_ "But you did!" Kurt exclaimed. "You could have gone to college! You could have done anything! There were so many other schools that wanted you besides Ohio State, Finn!"_

_ Finn dropped the box he was holding. It clunked to the ground and it sounded like something shattered, but he didn't care. "Yeah, but that was all dependent on the fact that I could play football. In case you hadn't noticed, that's something that I can't really do anymore!"_

_ "Fine. So you had to recuperate after your injury. It's understandable that you didn't go to college right away. But why didn't you try after that?"_

_ Finn's hands clenched into fists. The truth was, he had fallen into a pretty dark depression after his injury. He didn't do much besides sit in his room. The knee injury, losing his scholarship, watching his friends go off to school… it had all been too hard. It had been months after his last surgery before he even forced himself to start going to physical therapy._

_ "Kurt, I don't want to talk about this," Finn said lowly. Kurt was leaving for California, and as far as Finn knew, he didn't really plan on coming back. He didn't want his brother to leave on a bad note between them, but Kurt was well on his way to making that happen._

_ Kurt shook his head. "Finn, I can't let you live like this. You should come to California with me!"_

_ "Oh yeah?" Finn snorted. "And what would I do there?"_

_ "Something. Anything! At least you would be out of Lima. You could even go to school out there. You could start off with some community college courses, and—"_

_ "Kurt, just stop it!" Finn suddenly yelled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Carole and Burt had come out of the house and were now watching them. They must have heard the yelling. Knowing that his parents were standing there only angered Finn even more. "You don't know what you're talking about, okay? Just stop!"_

_ Kurt's face went red. He was just trying to help his brother, but Finn wasn't listening to reason. "I do know what I'm talking about!" he shouted back. "Finn, you're going to end up as a Lima loser if you don't do something to change this. In fact, you are a Lima loser!"_

_ As soon as the words left Kurt's mouth, he knew that he had said something horrible. Finn's skin went ghostly pale, and Kurt clapped a hand over his mouth. Being left behind as a Lima loser had been one of Finn's worst fears. That's why he tried so hard at football; Finn had figured that it was his one ticket out of Lima. But that had been taken away from him._

_ Finn slammed the trunk of Kurt's car shut. All was silent as he stared darkly at Kurt for several long moments. Finally, he growled, "Get out."_

_ Kurt had to try and fix this. "Finn, I—"_

_ But Finn didn't let him finish. "GET OUT!" he roared._

_ Kurt jumped before he scrambled into his car and turned it on. As soon as it had disappeared out of sight, Finn sank to the ground and put his head in his hands._

"The shitty part is that Kurt was right," Finn quietly admitted. By now, the Ferris wheel had paused with their cart at the top. "I could have done something with my life in those two years. But… he knew that my worst fear was being a Lima loser. He pretty much threw it back in my face, and I didn't think I could ever forgive him for that."

Rachel couldn't help the tears that burned in her eyes. She wished that she could have been there for Finn during that time in his life. "And now?" she asked.

"Now… Now I'm just tired of being mad at him. But that doesn't stop the anger from appearing every time I see him."

"I think you're already one step closer, Finn," Rachel said. "You're thinking about it, at least." Rachel rested her head on Finn's chest and slung her arm across his waist. He tightened his arms around her, and they remained silent for the rest of the ride.

* * *

The trip back to Finn's apartment had been quiet. They entered the apartment and Finn shut the door behind them. His shoulders were tense and he didn't look at Rachel as he spoke.

"I'm sorry I ruined our fun day," he muttered.

"Finn." Rachel tugged on his hand until he turned around. "You didn't ruin our day. You have no idea how much it means to me that you opened up to me." When Finn didn't say anything, she squeezed his hand. "I love you."

"I know," Finn said when he finally looked at her. "I love you, too."

Finn gave her a small smile, and Rachel reached up to kiss him. As her lips moved against his, she tugged him into his bedroom. She pushed him down onto the bed before she straddled him.

"You know, I don't think you're a Lima loser," she told him.

Finn's hands slid up her thighs. "Thanks, Rach. But I hate to break to you, I kind of am. It's been seven years since I graduated from high school and I'm stuck bartending in Lima. That's pretty much the definition of a Lima loser."

Rachel shook her head and ran her hands under Finn's shirt and up his strong chest. "You're not a Lima loser," she repeated, her voice firm. She knew that Finn was meant for so much more. He just had to believe in himself. And maybe he needed someone to help him see that. "I believe in you."

Finn stared up at her with an unreadable look in his amber eyes before he suddenly tugged Rachel down to him. His mouth pressed insistently against hers, and Rachel returned the kiss with just as much passion. Despite their heated kisses, Finn and Rachel gently removed each other's clothes.

Rachel skimmed her hands down Finn's chest and arms, marveling over the play of muscles under his pale skin. Her fingers slid up his neck and to his jaw. Leaning down, she tugged gently on his bottom lip as her hips ground down against his.

Finn slipped his hands up her sides and he cupped each of her breasts, his long fingers massaging. His thumb flicked over her nipple, and Rachel threw her head back as a long moan escaped her lips.

Rachel pressed kisses to Finn's chest as he found a condom and put it on. Straddling him, Rachel rose up and paused to stare down at him—Finn's amber eyes were dark with lust and love, and knowing that he was looking at her like that caused a thrill to course through Rachel. She sank down, both of them crying out at the feeling of being joined once again.

They moved together in a perfect rhythm. Rachel reached for Finn's hands as she rocked against him, and he laced their fingers together. Finn's touch along with the way his hips were thrusting up into her caused Rachel to tighten around him. It wasn't long before she was falling over the edge, and Finn came right after her.

Rachel collapsed against his chest. She kissed the area above his heart as Finn ran his fingers through her hair. "I believe in you," she repeated.

Finn's only response was to tighten his arms around her.

* * *

**Author's Note: And now you know the story about what happened between Kurt and Finn. Thanks for reading! :)  
**


	17. here to see you through

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "In Our Bedroom After The War" by Stars.**

* * *

Despite the fact that Finn thought his revelation had ruined their day, Rachel maintained that she had had so much fun. She really had. Their adventures in the amusement park had been amazing, and Rachel loved that Finn had opened up to her. They spent their night intertwined, and Rachel loved that part, too.

Unfortunately, they had to return to reality. Finn had promised to go and try and talk to Kurt again (but this time with their parents present, just in case), and Rachel had to go find out what was going on with her papa. Last night, in between bouts of their love making, Finn and Rachel had both promised to face at least some of their problems head on.

"Are you going to be okay?" Rachel asked as she climbed back onto Finn's bed. He was going to head out to his parents' house a little bit later. Rachel had to organize a trip to the hospital, so she had to leave in the next few minutes. She crawled closer to Finn on the bed and slid her hand up to cup his cheek.

Finn gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll be fine," he said. He pulled Rachel towards him and kissed her soundly. "Don't worry about me, Rach. But call me when you find out what's going on, alright?"

"Of course." Rachel pressed another kiss to Finn's lips before she climbed off the bed. "Love you!"

Finn gave her a full, genuine smile. "I love you too, Rach."

Rachel beamed at him before she left the apartment. Her heart grew heavier the closer she got to the hospital. She had talked to her daddy earlier and he had said that she should skip right over the house and head directly to Lima Memorial. Hiram hadn't left Leroy's side once in the past two days; Rachel didn't want to think of what that could mean.

Rachel parked at the hospital and stared up at the building. It seemed to loom over her, and she let out a sigh before she got out of her car. She took a deep breath before she made her way into the hospital and up to her father's room.

Leroy was sleeping. If she thought that he had looked bad before, that was nothing compared to now. Leroy really looked truly sick, and it made Rachel's throat tighten and tears come to her eyes. She stopped in the doorway and leaned against it, trying to get a hold on her emotions. Hiram was sitting at the side of the bed, holding his husband's hand tightly. When he heard Rachel approach, he wiped at his eyes and stood up.

Hiram closed the door behind him as they stepped out into the hallway. He hugged his daughter tightly, and Rachel returned the embrace. Even though she was a grown woman, it was still nice to get that support from her parents.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy," Rachel murmured. "I'm sorry that I wasn't here, and I'm sorry that I—"

Hiram shook his head. "Don't do that, Rachel," he said. "You deserve to go out and have fun with Finn. I had no problem handling things here for one day. You're still young and you need to enjoy life." He gave his daughter a weak smile. "It's become abundantly clear how short it really is."

Rachel bit her lip and nodded her head. There was no use in arguing, but she did feel horribly guilty for just up and leaving. She needed to learn to face her problems instead of running away from them. She had to be strong for her fathers, and this wasn't the way to go about it.

"Tell me what's happening," she finally said, even though she dreaded the answer.

Hiram's eyes filled with tears, but he did his best to hold them back. "I talked to the doctor's once they got your papa all settled in his room. Rachel… the outlook isn't good."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rachel whispered, and her heart thumped so loudly in her ears she wondered if she would be able to hear her father.

"It means that… three to four months may have been too optimistic of a prognosis."

"Daddy…"

"Rachel, he was well for two long months. That was more than we ever could have asked for. Things aren't looking so great now, though. The doctors… they don't think he has much time left."

The tears burned in Rachel's eyes. A horrible feeling rose in her stomach, and Rachel kind of wanted to throw up. But she sucked in several deep breaths and nodded her head. They had just over two months of time spent with Leroy, and it had been wonderful. Rachel had to focus on that.

"Can I see him?" she asked once she felt that she had control of her emotions. "Is that alright?"

Hiram hugged his daughter again. As her father, he wanted nothing more than to hide all of the bad things in the world from her. But this was something that he had no control over. "Of course you can see him. You can see your papa whenever you want to."

Rachel smiled at her daddy and nodded her head. They carefully made their way back into the room, and Rachel took a seat on the other side of Leroy's bed. She grabbed his hand, and Leroy shifted before he slowly opened his eyes.

"Hello, Rachela," Leroy greeted tiredly. "How are you?"

"I feel like I should be asking you that question." Rachel tried not to look at Hiram, because she knew that she might lose it. Looking at Leroy was almost as bad, because he looked so sick. But Rachel pushed through. Each moment was precious, and she couldn't lose any more of them.

"Please, Rachel," Leroy said. "Don't do that. Can you at least smile for me? There are things to smile about, you know."

Despite her resolve to be strong, Rachel couldn't find it in herself to force a smile. She didn't know if she could do that anymore. "Really? Please share, Papa."

"We can celebrate the fact we've raised a wonderful girl who's had so much success in her life. We can be happy about the fact that you've found someone you love and want to share the rest of your life with, like I did many years ago. We know that we've had such a wonderful time together these past few months, and nothing can change that."

Rachel nodded her head slowly. The question slipped past her lips before she could stop herself: "Are you scared?"

Hiram sucked in a sharp breath and Leroy studied his daughter with an open face. "I was scared when I first found out," he admitted. "I didn't know what was going to happen to you or your daddy. I wanted to make sure that you'd be okay. But now I know… you'll always have people that will love you and care for you. That makes me happy. I've lived a full, wonderful life. I'm at peace."

Once again, Rachel was amazed by the strength her papa displayed. She stood up and hugged him carefully. "I love you, Papa," she whispered.

It took a lot of effort for Leroy to raise his arms and return the hug, but he did it. "I love you too, my little Rachela."

* * *

"Are we sure that this is a good idea?" Burt looked between his two sons. "It seems like every time the two of you have tried to talk, it has led to a fight over the past few years."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I think we can handle one conversation, Dad."

Finn nodded his head in agreement, but he bit back a sharp retort. He could handle this. He had to. The fighting had to stop. He had come far in the past five years, and Rachel was right. Even though he was still stuck in Lima, Finn had things to be proud of.

"I'm glad that you're trying to work this out," Carole said. She didn't want to beat around the bush. Finn and Kurt had been avoiding this talk for the past five years, so it needed to be addressed.

Kurt nodded his head. He picked at the edge of his shirt as he contemplated his words before finally speaking. "Right. And I just wanted to start by saying that I'm sorry, Finn. I shouldn't have said the things that I said to you all those years ago."

"You shouldn't have," Finn agreed. He shook his head slightly and took a deep breath. "But you were right. I wasn't doing anything to fix my life. I should have. I needed a kick in the ass."

Kurt stared at his brother. Finn was always the one who ended up being the bigger person. Now that they were talking, Finn was going to relent and do what he could to smooth it over. That's just the kind of person he was.

"I still shouldn't have called you a… you know," Kurt said. He didn't want to say the words. He should have never said them in the first place, because Finn was so much more than that—and he always had been. Over the past five years, Kurt had had a lot of time to think about what he had said. If there was one thing that he regretted, it was using those words against Finn. "I'm your brother, Finn. I'm supposed to support you. Yelling at you like that wasn't the best way to give you that kick in the ass."

Finn nodded his head. Kurt smiled hesitantly, and Finn returned it with a small one. Things still weren't perfect, and they had a lot to talk about. But the basics had been explained, and apologies had been given. It was an amazing amount of progress. Hopefully, it would continue.

* * *

It had been an exhausting day, and all Rachel wanted to do was curl up in Finn's arms. She didn't really want to be in her house, so she had told Finn that she would meet him at his apartment once again.

Rachel entered the apartment and walked past Finn, who was busy in the kitchen. She stripped all of her clothes off and pulled one of his t-shirts on. His shirts had quickly become one of her favorite things to wear. Finn's comforting smell enveloped her, and she curled up in the center of his bed.

A few moments later, Finn joined her. He stripped down to just his boxers and climbed into bed with Rachel. Wrapping his arms around her waist, Finn pulled Rachel against him. He tugged back the collar of the shirt she was wearing and pressed his lips to her shoulder.

"Hey baby," he murmured against her skin. "Talk to me."

Rachel closed her eyes and sank back into Finn's embrace. "My papa is going to die," she stated.

Finn's arms tightened around her waist. "Rachel…"

"I knew that before, but I thought that I had a little bit more time. Apparently, it's going to happen much sooner than we thought."

"I'm sorry." Finn kissed Rachel's shoulder again and brushed her hair back before he turned her slightly in order to get a look at her face. Her eyes were still closed, and he traced his fingers down her cheek. Rachel automatically leaned into his touch. "I'm so sorry, Rachel."

"I just… I can't…" Rachel's heart was pounding loudly in her ears and it was getting hard to breathe. She gripped Finn's shirt tightly in her small hands as her mind struggled to comprehend what was happening. Rachel didn't know what she was trying to say. Her thoughts were too jumbled, her emotions too strong. Somehow, she had hit her breaking point without even knowing it.

But Finn seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. He smoothed his hand through Rachel's hair and kissed her forehead. "It's okay, you know. Remember when I told you that it was okay to cry and scream? It's still okay."

Rachel buried her face in Finn's chest and shook her head. "But I don't want to," she admitted. She tried to control her erratic breathing, but nothing was really helping. "I can't. I don't want… I need to be strong…"

"You can't be strong all of the time," Finn murmured. Honestly, he was amazed that Rachel had held it together for this long. "You've tried to hold it together for your family for so long, but it's okay now. Let me be the one to take care of you." Finn pressed his lips to Rachel's temple. "You can let go, Rachel."

With those words, Rachel dissolved into sobs. She cried into Finn's shirt endlessly, clutching him tightly. The only thing she was aware of was Finn's strong, solid arms wrapped around her. Even though it felt like her world was falling apart, Finn anchored her. She knew that it was okay for her to let go because she would be safe with Finn no matter what.

This was exactly what she needed, and Rachel loved Finn for it.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading!  
**


	18. a delicate construction

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This chapter title comes from the song "Card House Drummer" by This Providence.**

* * *

When Finn woke, he found that he was alone in bed. He rolled over and scanned the bedroom to make sure that Rachel wasn't anywhere in the room before he climbed out of bed. It didn't take him long to find his girlfriend, however; he smelled freshly brewed coffee and followed it into the kitchen.

Rachel was standing in front of the coffee pot with her hands pressed on the counter. Her head was hanging low, and her shoulders were slumped. Finn's heart tightened in his chest. His family was somehow coming back together while Rachel's was falling apart. Finn wanted more than anything to take the pain away from her, but this was something that he couldn't fix no matter how much he wanted to.

Walking up behind Rachel, Finn slid his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. He pressed a kiss to her cheek. To his relief, Rachel completely sank back into his embrace instead of pushing him away. She rested her head against his chest with her eyes closed.

Finn opened his mouth to say something, but Rachel cut him off. Without opening her eyes, she said, "Your mother called. She wants us to come over for lunch later today."

Finn hesitated before responding. He knew that they needed to talk about what happened last night, but it seemed as if Rachel wasn't going to bring it up at all. At the moment, it would do no use to push the subject. "What did you say?"

Rachel finally opened her eyes and turned around in Finn's arms. "I said that we'd be more than happy to. I offered to bring dessert, so we should go pick something up on the way there."

Finn sighed. "Rachel—"

"We need to leave soon. I've already showered and got ready." It was true. A little over a week ago, Finn had set aside a drawer for Rachel and said it was hers to fill. He remembered how happy she had been. She was wearing one of the dresses she had brought over. "You should shower as well." Rachel reached up and kissed his cheek before she grabbed a coffee mug.

Finn tightened his arms around Rachel's waist, hugging her to him before he went to take a quick shower. By the time he had returned, Rachel seemed to be a little more animated. She made her way over to Finn and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

Finn was never one to turn down a kiss from Rachel. His arms wrapped around her waist as his tongue slipped into her mouth. One of Finn's hands slid up her back and tangled into her hair. When the kiss broke, she smiled up at him.

Finn brought a hand up to her face, his thumb stroking across her cheek. "Rachel, can we—"

Rachel shook her head. "Finn, I just… I can't right now, okay? It hurt too much and I… I don't want to fall apart like that again. Not right now."

"I know, baby." Finn kissed Rachel's forehead. "But if you ever want to talk about it…"

She smiled up at him. "I know. Thank you. I love you."

Finn gave her an amused look. "I love you too, but stop trying to deflect." Rachel opened her mouth—probably to try and change the subject again—but Finn beat her to it. "I know, we have to get going. Let's stop at the bakery on Main Street on the way."

They got into Finn's truck and headed into town, stopping at a small local bakery that was a favorite of both Finn and Rachel's. Rachel inspected the pastries and cakes available while Finn watched her carefully. Rachel finally picked a decadent chocolate cake as their dessert. When they went to the register, Finn playfully nudged Rachel aside and paid for it himself.

Rachel smiled and said nothing as she took the cake from Finn and carried it out to the truck. Once they were settled in the vehicle again, she watched Finn watch her.

"You can stop that, you know," Rachel said pleasantly.

Finn feigned innocence. "Stop what?"

"Stop waiting for me to freak out, or something. I'm fine." At least, Rachel was telling herself that she was fine. She didn't think there was another option at the moment. She couldn't lose it like she had last night. Not now.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," Finn said immediately.

Rachel reached for his hand. "You shouldn't be sorry, Finn." She didn't want him to be. "I appreciate how much you care. And it's really sweet."

Finn grinned at her and laced their fingers together. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, smiling further when he saw her cheeks flush. Finn loved that he could get that reaction from her with one simple touch.

Finn started the car up and they made their way to the Hudson-Hummel house. By the time they got there, they saw that everyone else had already arrived. Finn carried the cake and Rachel reached for his free hand, offering silent support. Together, they walked into the house.

Kurt and Burt were sitting in the living room, chatting about Kurt's job in California. When they saw Finn and Rachel, they both said hello. Finn returned their greeting with a small smile and a wave before he kissed Rachel's cheek and disappeared into the kitchen to see if his mother needed help with anything.

Things with Kurt and Finn still weren't back to what it had been while they were in high school. That would take some time, but Kurt considered it a huge step that Finn was willing to sit through a lunch with him. That said a lot about the progress they had made.

Rachel went to say hello to Carole before she walked back into the living room. Burt excused himself when his cell phone started to ring with a call from work, so then it was just Rachel and Kurt.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" Kurt asked.

"Of course," Rachel responded. She sat with Kurt on the couch and waited for him to begin. He looked sort of embarrassed and ashamed of himself as he contemplated how to begin the conversation.

Finally, Kurt said, "So I'm sure Finn got around to telling you about our fight all those years ago."

Rachel said nothing. She simply dipped her head a little to indicate that Kurt was correct in assuming that. Finn had also told Rachel about how they had apologized to one another and were now trying to work past the fight.

Kurt glanced nervously at the kitchen to make sure that Finn wasn't coming back before he continued speaking in a low voice. "I don't think that Finn is a loser. I never have. It's just that… tensions were running high and I said something that I didn't mean and…"

Rachel held her hands up. "You don't need to explain it to me, Kurt," she said. "That fight was between you and your brother. All I know is that the two of you are both trying to make efforts to fix it. That's all that matters now, isn't it?"

Kurt relaxed and smiled. "I was right, you know," he said.

"About what?"

"You really are very good for my brother. I don't think I've ever seen him so relaxed or happy. And that's including when he was in high school."

"Well." Rachel blushed, and a beaming grin spread across her lips. Finn just made her so undeniably happy. "Finn does the same for me."  
A few moments passed before Kurt said quietly, "I've heard about your father, Rachel. I'm so sorry."

The mention of what was happening with her papa made Rachel's good mood diminish significantly. Her chest tightened and she slowly nodded her head. "Thank you," she murmured.

That was the extent of that conversation before Finn entered the living room. He took a seat on the other side of Rachel on the couch and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her against him. Finn always seemed to have this way of knowing that something was troubling her. Rachel rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes to savor in Finn's comfort for a few moments.

Finn always made her feel safe. Rachel knew that if she were to lose it like she had during the previous night, Finn wouldn't judge her. He would simply hold and be there for her. Rachel could feel Finn's love for her in the way his fingers moved soothingly over her skin, and she loved that. She loved him.

"Is everything okay?" Finn asked as he looked between his brother and his girlfriend.

Rachel quickly nodded her head. The last thing she wanted was to give Finn another reason to be angry with his brother. Kurt had been perfectly within his rights to ask that question. It wasn't his fault that Rachel wanted to cry every time she thought about what was happening to her papa.

Rachel hated it. Her resolve to be strong was waning, no matter how hard she tried. She didn't like feeling that she was going to lose a hold of her emotions at any moment. Rachel wasn't used to things being so out of her control.

"Everything is fine," Rachel said once she felt a little calmer. Finn pressed a kiss to Rachel's temple before he stood, pulling her up with him.

"Lunch is ready," he said. "So we should all head out back." Carole had set up the table on the deck and had cooked all of the food. Finn knew that this was a gesture because he was working to try and fix things in the family after so many years. And Finn knew that Rachel had been invited because he considered her to be part of his family as well. Carole was happy for her son.

Rachel squeezed Finn's hand to let him know that she was okay. Finn tenderly rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. It was hard to believe that just over two months ago, he had been stuck in bar all alone, wondering if his life was going to go anywhere. Now he had Rachel and things were going well in his family. It seemed as if the dark times in his life were over.

But that only made his heart ache for Rachel. Things were going so much better for him while her family was essentially falling apart. He could only be there for her during this time and let her know that he would always be there for her, no matter what.

As if Rachel knew what Finn was thinking about, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Finn stopped her with a hand on her waist. He slid his other hand up to her cheek and gazed into her eyes before he brought his lips down over hers. Rachel sank into his embrace and returned his kiss with just as much passion. It was only the noise of a clearing throat that broke them apart.

"Um…" Kurt looked embarrassed as he stared anywhere but at the couple in front of him. "You know, I'm happy for you and all of that, but I'd rather not see the two of you go at it. There are just some things that a brother doesn't need to see."

Finn pressed another light kiss to Rachel's lips before he chuckled. "Sorry, dude," he said to Kurt. They grinned at each other, and they both knew that this was just another step in healing their family. Rachel smiled up at him as they headed out into the back.

* * *

Despite Carole's protests, Rachel helped her clear the table after lunch. "It was so delicious," she said. "It's the least I could do to help, Carole."

Carole smiled at the younger woman as they began to clean the dishes from lunch and put away the extra food. When they were nearing the end of their task, Carole reached out and touched Rachel's shoulder. She stopped and turned to look at Carole, curiosity written on her face.

"I just wanted to let you know that if you needed to talk about your father, I'm here to lend an ear," Carole said.

Rachel bit her lip as tears suddenly rushed to her eyes. She felt like crying for an entirely different reason; growing up, she didn't have a mother. Both of her fathers were great and she wouldn't trade them for the world, but it was different. Having Carole offer that maternal support when she needed it so much meant more to Rachel than she ever could have imagined.

Rachel swallowed hard and did her best to keep the tears at bay. "Thank you, Carole," she whispered. "You have no idea… just… thank you."

Carole smiled warmly at the young woman that her son had found such happiness with. "Of course, Rachel," she said before she hugged her tightly.

Rachel returned the hug before she took a deep breath and pulled back. "I'm just going to go and see if anyone would like a slice of cake," she said.

Carole nodded her head in understanding. She could guess that Rachel wanted a chance to collect her emotions and busy herself with something to do, so Carole left her to it. When Rachel went back out onto the deck with several dishes loaded down with cake, Finn came in.

"I saw what you did," he said without any preamble. "The way you helped Rachel… Thank you, Mom."

Carole hugged her son as well, just because she could. "Finn, you love Rachel and she's a part of the family now. Of course I want to help."

Finn hugged his mother just as tightly before he went back outside to assist Rachel. Carole watched the way her son interacted with Rachel and she knew that Finn had found the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

* * *

**Author's Note: We're coming to the end of the story now. There should be about three or four chapters left. Thanks for reading!**


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